


The L Word

by Pixiestick_cc



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Character, Non-Canon Relationship, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-14 00:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiestick_cc/pseuds/Pixiestick_cc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica Stanley has one goal and that is to graduate without anyone realizing she is a lesbian, but all that comes into jeopardy when Bella Swan moves to Forks and becomes the object of her affection. Jessica/Bella</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this I had Anna Kendrick in my head who was a much more rounded Jessica than book Jess, who was pretty one-dementional (and not as adorably cute as Anna). Warning: Edward is a bit OOC from the books, but hey ... every story needs an antagonist.

I was sitting in the back of the classroom, trying not to stare. Yes, here in Podunk town USA (aka Forks, Washington) it would be odd for the girl everyone thought was straight to admire from afar the girl she was secretly attracted to. No, it would be much more realistic to act like I didn't really like Bella Swan, because she was pretty, new to our school, and stole all the boys' attention. Pop culture (or _MTV_ reality shows, I couldn't remember which) conditioned my generation to think all girls were jealous of each other. I was essentially an actress playing a part …

_The role of normal, catty teen girl will today and every day until she graduates be played by Jessica Stanley._

So, when the hottest guy in our class had asked my crush to sit with him at lunch earlier that day, I had acted annoyed that he wanted to eat with her and not me.

_Play the part, Jessica, and act like you care about hot guys._

My annoyance wasn't really that he didn't know I was alive. It was that _she_ didn't. That's not to say Bella wasn't aware of me. I mean, we ran with the same circle of friends, but I wasn't on her radar like she was on mine. This was mostly, because I'd kept her at arm's length … not wanting to do something stupid that would throw away the identity I created. I needed to preserve that character.

"Stop staring at them, Jessica," my friend Angela had whispered from her position at my side when she noticed my eyesight lingering a little too long on the table Bella had moved to.

"But why is he eating with her? _Hello_. I've been here this whole time, Edward, and I'm sure I could give you a much more interesting conversation … and then some," I had whined.

"Sorry Jess, but I think that ship has sailed," she replied and went back to eating her sandwich.

After I graduated next year someone should really give me an Emmy or Oscar for this amazing role I was nailing.

Suddenly I was distracted from my daydream when someone put a cardboard box on my desk. I grumbled with irritation that I was being bothered away from my hobby of crush gazing. I looked over the box and noticed it was filled with items I wasn't all that interested in to thoroughly investigate. Then I heard the loud clearing of a throat above me. My eyes traveled upward to the boy who had dropped the box. Mike Newton. Yes, I was supposed to like him too. I internally sighed. How many lies had I trapped myself in?

I smiled brightly at the boy and he returned my gesture with his own toothy grin. I'd heard that he might ask me to the upcoming dance and had already decided that I would say yes. This bit of gossip had been delivered via third source, like a game of telephone. Angela had heard from Ben who had heard from Mike that he wanted to ask me, so I wasn't sure how reliable it all was, but maybe he was trying to gather the courage to ask me right then and there. He certainly looked nervous enough. If we did end up being dates, I hoped Mike wouldn't expect me to make out with him in his car afterward. I wasn't really going to play my part that thoroughly. My contract specifically stated no kissing, nude or sex scenes.

Thankfully he moved on to the next desk, so I wouldn't have to feign interest anymore or agree to any dates to dances. It didn't take long for me to go back to watching Bella … like five seconds. I noticed that she was nervously playing with a lock of her brown hair. Something was bothering her. I'd seen her do this before when she was nervous or anxious … usually when _hottest guy in our class_ talked with her. I did a quick sweep of the classroom and noticed Bella's stalker aka _hottest guy_ wasn't there. I sighed happily. I was sure that if Edward was around he would have swooped in to ask her what was wrong. It was hard not to notice when someone else observed Bella just as much as I did.

_Stop staring, Jessica._

I moved my eyes away from the object of my affection and down into the box Mike had placed in front of me moments before. I examined the objects. None of them made sense, but I assumed our teacher, Mr. Banner, would explain it or maybe he already had. I had a hard time paying attention to things when I shared classes with Bella. I was a straight A student with the goal of being Valedictorian next year. I really had to work harder on being focused on the right things, before I started to slip all due to an infatuation I could never resolve.

I looked around for any indication that the other students were working with the things inside the box and noticed they were. _Damn it_. I'd done it again. I was just about to whisper to the boy next to me and ask for his help, when I heard Mr. Banner say, "Bella, are you all right?"

At the mention of Bella's name, I looked back up to the front of the class where she sat. She was slumped forward, her hair spread out over her desk. Underneath the long brown strands of her hair, she rested her face against the wood. From the short conversation between teacher and student that followed it seemed that Bella was feeling faint.

Then there was a request for someone to take Bella to the nurse. The initial urge I had conditioned my brain to think told me to look away from the image and ignore that I was being offered the chance to be alone with Bella. But I was feeling extra exhausted from my charade at that moment and told my inner closeted lesbian to shut up. Taking Bella to the nurse wasn't exactly a declaration that I was gay. It was simply a nice gesture and nothing about that would be weird to anyone else. Jessica Stanley did occasionally think of others over herself.

"I'll take her," I said, raising my hand.

No one batted an eye at my offer and Mr. Banner motioned for me to step forward. Bella looked at me when I came to help her out of her seat, her eyes suspicious. Of course, she didn't trust me. I hadn't exactly presented myself as being very trust worthy around her. Maybe she thought I would use this opportunity to be vengeful for her eating lunch with Edward, because everyone assumed I had _like the hugest crush on him, because oh my god he was like so hot._

"Can you walk?" I asked gently.

"I think so, but I might need your help," she replied.

I gingerly pulled on Bella's arm to help her stand. Once I had her on her feet, I wrapped my arm around her waist. As I did this a few of her hair strands tickled my cheek and I smelled strawberries. I had to fight the urge to take in a lungful of the wonderful smell again when she leaned against me for support.

_Keep yourself in check, Jessica._

"So, what happened in there?" I asked as we walked out of the classroom.

"It's just ... blood makes me sick," she said and then covered her mouth.

"Are you going to throw up?" I asked, suddenly worried that my decision to take Bella to the nurse would end up in a situation where I would be covered in vomit.

"I need ... to sit down ... for a minute, please." Her voice sounded weak and I helped her find a spot on the sidewalk where she could lean her back against a wall.

We were outside and I was thankful that I'd managed to take her that far. I figured that at least if she spewed out here it would be easier to clean up.

"So, where was this blood that made you sick?" I asked, trying to make conversation when a few minutes of awkward silence had passed between us.

Although, as an afterthought, I figured it was probably not a smart idea to mention the reason Bella was sick. Hopefully I hadn't made things worse. As it was, Bella required a whole minute to recover before she was able remove her head from between her legs and reply, "Um … from everyone else in the class. They were all pricking their fingers to figure out their blood type. Didn't you?"

She was looking at me like I was a bit crazy. From her perspective why wouldn't I know what everyone else had been doing in class? I had been there hadn't I?

_No, Bella, I didn't prick my finger, because I was too busy staring at you._

I tried to salvage the situation with some humor, "Nah, I'm part of the movement, no violence against students. I was protesting." I showed her my fingers much like someone would do jazz hands, "Ta Dah … see no injuries."

Bella laughed softly, which caused my heart to do a flip flop.

"Do you have weekly meetings, because I'd really like to join this protest group?" Bella said, her face brightening, a start contrast from the anemic expression it had been when we first walked out of class.

"Well, this can be our little sit in right here," I joked and chanted in mock protest, "Hell no, we won't go!"

Bella smiled at me and I noticed that her color was returning to the usual pale skin I'd grown accustomed to seeing on her as opposed to the green it had been. I had to resist the impulse to run my fingertips across the soft skin that made up her cheeks. Something told me that doing this would be super creepy to someone who barely labeled me as a friend _._

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I heard his voice coming from somewhere nearby and groaned _. Hottest guy in class_ was coming to help. Great. Apparently when he played hooky from class he didn't go far. There was no way I'd win in a battle of who will now walk Bella to the nurse's office.

But to my surprise, Bella seemed just as glad to see Edward as I was, "Oh god, can you make him go away. I do not want to talk to him right now."

She put her head back down between her legs much like an ostrich would put its head in the sand and I wondered if she actually thought this would hide her from him.

"Hiding your face isn't going to make him think you aren't actually here," I snorted.

"I know … he has super human senses or something and could probably detect me from miles away," her voice was sarcastic and morose at the same time.

"Are you hurt?" Edward asked when he finally reached us.

"Nope … just two girls hanging out, you know girl stuff," I answered for Bella, but her stalker ignored me.

"Bella," Edward kneeled on the ground and placed his face mere inches from Bella's head. "Can you hear me?"

"I said she's fine," my voice came out harsher than I intended.

At the sound of my severe tone, Edward finally acknowledged my presence with a quick glare in my direction or maybe it was a smolder. I had a hard time reading guys sometimes. He then turned his focus back on Bella and gave her shoulders a good shake. "Bella!" he said, sounding upset. "Did Jessica do something to hurt you?"

I couldn't nor did I want to fight the bubble of laughter that found its way out of my throat and into Edward's face. _Hottest guy's_ hot face scrunched up into a sneer, but fell placid when he heard Bella mumble, "I'm fine."

"Do you need help?" he asked, his voice just a bit too sincere.

"No," she groaned. "Go away."

Edward chuckled as if it was a joke, but I took it upon myself to correct him, "No, she's not trying to be funny. Bella really does want you to leave. I was walking her to the nurse and she needed to sit for a little bit. No cause for alarm … so, go back to doing whatever you were doing."

I was shocked at my boldness in the way I was talking to Edward. I always tried hard to indicate that I was attracted to him, but my irritation was showing in full force. The reason was Bella. I felt a protectiveness of her and if she didn't want this creepy stalker around then I would make sure it happened.

"I can take her," Edward said, totally disregarding what Bella and I had told him. "You can go back to class, Jess."

"Or you can do as two capable ladies told you and shove off. She doesn't need your help," I protested angrily.

Continuing to ignore me, Edward pulled Bella into his arms and I heard a gasp of shock, followed by her ordering, "Put me down!"

Apparently doing as someone wished wasn't in the cards for this guy and he quickly walked away with Bella cradled against his chest. I hurried after them hearing Bella moan, "Put me back on the sidewalk."

He said something back to her and laughed as if everything was a big joke. I managed to catch up to them, but had to keep a quick pace which left me somewhat breathless, "Listen _Don Draper_ , this isn't the 1950s. You can't just take a girl against her will, even when you think you're trying to help her."

Again he ignored me and before I could yell to ask if he'd heard what I'd said or if hearing was defective in misogynists, we were in front of the nurse's office. He walked inside with Bella and I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable. I wanted to follow, but my inner closeted lesbian was finding her voice again. She was telling me to back off and go back to being Jessica Stanley the actress. I'd already gotten my alone time with Bella and that's all I had set out to accomplish to begin with. I sighed heavily and turned on my heel to head back to class. When I heard the door of the nurse's office open behind me, I didn't even bother to look and see if it was Bella.

It wasn't.

Edward came striding up alongside me and I decided it was best to ignore him. I needed to pull myself together and not lash out.

"It would never work," he said after a few seconds of me giving him the silent treatment.

This caused me to twist my head in his direction. I didn't understand what Edward meant, but a part of me worried that I'd let just enough of the true Jessica slip earlier and I was now in trouble. I wanted to let him know that it would never work with him either, 'cause he was a big bag of dicks, but in the end I settled on the much safer sarcastic, "Sure."

He didn't bother me anymore and I made my way back to class, vowing to not let myself get away from my goal of being straight until I was away from this town. No more distractions from Bella. Although, that proved difficult when she came up to me later in the day to offer her thanks.

"Wow. Can you believe he actually picked me up like that? He's so weird," she confided.

I chuckled. Bella and I had similar feelings about Edward Cullen and this made me happy. "Yeah, I think he must be a time traveler from the past and not aware that damsel's in distress no longer need a knight to rescue them."

"Hey, maybe we could form another protest group. Our chant could be, put me down, punk! I can do this myself, " Bella said in mock anger.

"I would most definitely join you for this. Maybe we could start at Edward's house," I suggested and we shared a laugh.

"Well, I have to run, but I'll see you tomorrow?" Bella eventually said once we stopped laughing.

I nodded my head, "Yep, see you then."

As I watched her walk away, I wanted to groan as loudly as possible, because there was no way this crush was going to go away and in a small town like Forks it wasn't possible to avoid Bella Swan.


	2. Chapter 2

I had to force myself not to write about Bella. I didn't write about her in a creepy sort of way, pretending we were characters in a story that ended with her holding my hand as we skipped through a field of daisies (although, I did worry about myself somewhat that my mind could come up with that image at all). But I did have a blog … a blog that none of my classmates or family knew about. I went under a pseudonyms and kept personal details out. I wrote about my struggles as a lesbian who was unable to show who she truly was due to family pressure and the need to succeed in school without being bullied for her sexual orientation. I hadn't mentioned Bella on this blog yet, because it was a personal struggle I didn't care to share with anyone. It wasn't so easy for me to admit that I'd fallen for someone other than the unattainable celebrity. Although, Bella might as well have been, because as far as I could tell, she was straight and according to everyone I knew … so was I.

I pulled out my laptop while I was in bed that night and entered into my blog. I wrote about my unfortunate encounter with el douchebageo, which was the name I had given to Edward Cullen a long time ago, but I left out the part about my attraction to the girl I was helping to the nurse's office. She was simply called B. I hit the enter key once my story was over and let my left index finger tap softly against the B key. I wanted to write another paragraph, giving more detail about this girl B, but instead I published my blog as it was and closed the internet. Then I opened the word document that contained the paper I had actually come to my room to begin work on in the first place. It was for English and due the following week. How fitting that I was writing a report on  _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ , one of literature's more bitingly obvious stories of unrequited love … a subject that hit all too close to home. I guess that made me the deformed hunchback pining for my Esmerelda. I snorted at the image my brain created that was pretty accurate of how I truly saw myself. That's why I was such a good actress. I pulled off the air of having it all together when really I felt as lost and alone as the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The next day at school the struggle with my feelings for girl B was much closer to the surface. I was near her and when Bella sat across from me at lunch I noticed my closeted lesbian was being much quieter than usual as if exhausted from the effort she had put forth the day before. Bella, with her lovely long brown locks framing her beautiful face, was eating the garbage of a lunch she had purchased from the school cafeteria. I handed her a piece of an apple from my own lunch brought from home and quipped, "An apple a day will keep the vomit from school lunches away."

_God that was really lame, Jess._

I ignored the chastisement from my inner voice and inaudibly told her to keep her metaphorical mouth shut. I was glad when Bella smiled at me, whether or not it was out of sympathy for my dumb joke, I didn't know, but I took it. In fact I took every smile that was hers and locked it away in my memory for later use.

"Don't think I've heard it put quite that way before," she replied as her full lips formed around the apple piece I'd given her and she bit down.

Feeling bold at her positive reaction, I quickly rushed into a question I knew my closeted lesbian might object to. Maybe if I hurried through it, she would remain quiet like she had been most of that day. Without her constant nagging I was failing at being the awesome actress that I usually was … and I honestly didn't care. "So, what did Edward want yesterday, when you sat with him at lunch?"

The question had kept me awake long after I closed my laptop and crawled under my bed covers the night before. Why  _did_  Bella spend time with Edward when after yesterday I knew she thought he was a misogynistic tool like I did?

"I don't know," she answered, seeming a bit uncomfortable with my question.

Bella's eyes fell down to the red tray that held her hot dog and fries. She focused on them, not eating, only looking and my body suddenly filled with dread.

_Aw, shit. You stepped over the line._

Oh, there she was. How nice for my inner voice to appear when it was already too late. "I'm sorry," I said, trying to save face. "I only asked, because you looked mad when you were eating with him and usually he just sits with his family. Then you know, with his whole  _I'm here to save you, princess_ shtick we had to deal with after that."

I was rambling and probably sounded like an idiot.

"Did I look mad?" Her eyes shot back up to me. "Were you watching us?"

There was no accusatory tone to her question, but I took it that way all the same. "So, do you think Edward will ask you to the dance?" I tried to distract her with a subject that I assumed most girls would love to talk about.

Bella looked at me skeptically and opened her mouth to respond when Angela, who was sitting to my right just as she always did at lunch, chimed in, "Hey, we should all go to Seattle and shop for dresses to wear at the dance."

She must have overheard our conversation and trying to keep the topic going, I played along. At that moment I would have done anything to keep Bella from asking me again about the spying I thought I'd managed to pull off so well. Smiling at Angela, I pulled my actress face on and said with as much excitement as I could muster, "That is the best idea I've heard all day!"

"Especially now that Mike finally asked you. I told you he would." Angela nudged me with her elbow.

"Yeah, I was getting tired of waiting. I mean really what took him so long, but whatever, I'm just glad he finally got the balls to ask!" I feigned enthusiasm.

Bella still eyed me with a look that could best be described as suspicious, but when she finally spoke it wasn't to reiterate her question from before. "I'll go with you two for moral support, but I'm not going to buy a dress."

"Why not? Hasn't Edward asked you?" Angela asked.

Bella nodded as she took a fry and put it in her mouth. "Yeah he asked, but I told him no," she said between bites.

Angela stared in shock and I tried to copy her look and make it my own, but truthfully I wasn't all that surprised. Considering she hadn't exactly welcomed his affection the day before, I knew Bella wasn't all too enthralled with her admirer. As to why, well that was a question I still hadn't gotten an answer to and Bella seemed reluctant to talk about.

"What?" Bella laughed uncomfortably at our gawking. "Stop looking at me like that. Can't a girl not want to go to a dance?"

"I think most girls would have said yes if they were in your shoes," Angela explained. " I mean, not me. I have Ben, but those in our class of the female persuasion might punch you in the face if they knew you turned Edward Cullen down." 

Bella shrugged. "I don't like dancing. I'm pretty uncoordinated or hadn't you guys noticed that already when I nearly got myself killed by Tyler's truck."

She was referring the near accident that had happened not too long ago, when another student almost crashed his truck into her due to the icy conditions of our school's parking lot. She'd walked away from it though and I felt inclined to mention this. "How uncoordinated can you be if you actually got away without a scratch?"

Bella didn't reply to my observation and instead went into asking Angela about what kind of dress she thought our friend might buy. Her moving past my question felt very weird, like maybe she was hiding something, but I quickly shook the thought away. The more logical answer was that I was being too sensitive. Ugh. I hated my emotions. Being hurt by someone's reaction to me wasn't something I was used to feeling. When you were as guarded as me, not letting others in very often, disappointment in how others treated you really wasn't a thing, because they were always reacting to a character. But now, just like I'd always predicted would happen if I ever let that version of Jessica slip, I was getting hurt.

"Where is Edward anyway?" I heard Angela say, interrupting my thoughts.

This caused me to glance over at the lunch table he usually occupied with his weirdo siblings, although Edward and his brother Emmett were missing from among the three that still remained. Much to my happiness, Edward hadn't showed up for school that day and he could stay gone for all I cared. I glanced at Bella, waiting for her to answer, wondering if she felt the same.

"He and his older brother went camping … at least that's what I think," Bella said while rolling her eyes. "He's always so cryptic, like it's a game for me to figure out what his words actually mean. Seriously, just tell me, dude."

"Maybe Mr. Misogyny just assumes your little girl mind wouldn't be able to handle the truth.  _Ass_ ," I said, unable to control my cynicism or the swear word I called him under my breath.

I saw Angela's eyes widen in surprise at the way I spoke about Edward negatively and I could have added something that would make it seem like my words had been a joke, but I didn't. To hell with my fake attraction to  _hottest guy in class_.

Bella exhaled and let out a single hard laugh in response to my reason behind why Edward treated her like a child. "I know you're just joking, but you'd be surprised at how close you actually are."

Then Bella stood, with her tray in hand, and excused herself from the table.

For the rest of the school day I felt like Bella was avoiding me and even if the hurt from this persisted in my heart, I secretly welcomed her dodging me. Maybe it would get me back to how I was before … not secretly hoping, because it was very clear to me hoping would be my downfall.

That night in my bedroom, I didn't even open my blog. I knew it would only lead to me writing about B which would inevitably make my depression worse. I had to push past my feelings for her and decided to instead open the word document for my English paper again. Maybe if I reminded myself that no matter how much Quasimodo did for Esmerelda to show his love, she always pined after the egotistical Pheobus instead.

"God, Victor Hugo, you speak to my soul," I said sarcastically to no one in particular.

A sudden knock at my door caused me to jump and without waiting for my response, the door opened to reveal my mom on the other side. She held the house phone in her hand and said, "There's a Bella that wants to talk to you."

"What?" I said in shock, like I hadn't heard her correctly.

My mom handed the phone to me, saying exactly the same name she had before. I picked up the receiver and placed it to my ear, giving my mom a glare that I meant for her to interpret as  _um leave my room you eaves dropping old lady_. She huffed and closed the door behind her.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, sorry I called your house phone. I didn't know your cell number and it just seemed too complicated to call around asking for it," Bella's voice replied through the phone.

"Sounds like laziness to me," I teased.

"Yeah, yeah," she said back with the same sarcasm I'd used. "But anyway, I just wanted to apologize if I came across as rude to you at school. This whole thing with Edward … well, it's complicated and I don't like talking about it when I'm around people who could be listening in. I don't want to get them involved, but I don't know … I feel like I might be able to talk with you about it … so, maybe we could like … get together and I can fill you in on all the gory details."

My heart skipped a beat. Bella wanted to be with me … alone. "Sure. If that's what you want, but couldn't you just tell me over the phone?" I was pretty sure my closeted lesbian had forced out that one. She didn't like the idea of being alone with Bella and what that might lead to.

"No, I don't trust the phone," she said, which was followed by a long pause. "Do you want go shopping for dresses tomorrow ... in Port Angeles? I mean I won't be buying a dress, since I'm not going to the dance, but I can help you find yours and then we can talk ... in a place that I don't feel like others will be listening."

"Sure!" I said probably just a bit too quickly. "Just gotta get the ok from my parents, but what about Angela?"

"We don't have to tell her," Bella said. "Anyway, call and let me know if anything changes." She was quiet for a few seconds and then said in a voice that sounded drenched with relief, "Thanks, Jess ... it will be nice to finally talk to someone about ... Edward."

"Yeah, that's me, your friendly neighborhood ear to listen to all things douchebag guys."

Bella laughed and thanked me again.

"Yeah, no problem. I guess I'll see you later," I replied, as a feeling of nausea swept over me from the butterflies trying to escape my stomach.

"Bye." Bella hung up and I was met with the sound of a dial tone.

"Bye," I whispered back, before racing out of my room to the toilet, so that I could vomit all my nervousness out.

I was going to hang out with Bella alone tomorrow. How had things changed so drastically from yesterday when my goal had been to avoid my crush? Now I was being offered the opportunity to torture myself even further and as much as I knew falling deeper into a friendship with her would hurt me in the long run, I couldn't stop myself from diving headfirst into my future sorrow.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Bella didn’t want to chance her old-timey truck breaking down on the way to Port Angeles, which meant I had to get permission from my parents to borrow their older and less used second car. There were a few grumbles from them at first, because I had never been entrusted to their vehicle to go anywhere other than around Forks. Although, they relented when I mentioned I would be traveling with the sheriff’s daughter. Apparently nothing could go wrong when I would be hanging out with the child of the only law enforcement Forks could put a face on. I’m sure they doubted my capability of engaging in any teenage shenanigans while with Bella anyway, since I wasn’t known for trouble and they assumed I wouldn’t want to irk the town sheriff.

_What if it was some romantic shenanigans? Would you care then?_

I quickly hid this thought away, because yes, my ultra-conservative parents would care and no, Bella wouldn’t entertain the thought of our trip becoming some dumb romantic comedy like I secretly wanted. She would trip on some crack in the sidewalk and fall into my arms. “We have to stop meeting like this,” I would joke and this would eventually lead to her kissing me, while the camera panned out, an upbeat pop song playing in the background.

Ugh, why was I doing this to myself and what was the point? What was the point of me thinking this, but also what was the point in going on an excursion to the largest city near Forks to talk about Bella’s guy problems? I didn’t care about her weird relationship with Edward. I cared about a relationship that could never materialize.

But, I knew that wasn’t entirely true. I _was_ curious about the mystery surrounding Bella’s feelings for Edward, since they seemed to be one big contradiction. On the other hand, if I had to hear that theirs was one of those love/hate relationships then I wasn’t sure I could stomach hearing the story. Me throwing up the night before over nervousness would surely turn into me wanting to throw up over her declarations that despite being a controlling _Mad Men_ -esque creepo, Edward was actually a really caring guy.

When I went to pick Bella up, she came out the door dressed in her normal attire that stated, _I don’t really care what you think of my clothes, but I’ll dress up just enough that you won’t comment on it._ It didn’t work, because I ended up remarking rather idiotically, “Thanks for dressing up for our date. I can see you took time selecting your best outfit.”

My closeted lesbian stayed silent, but my heart flipped at my boldness, even if I had delivered my words with sarcasm. “Only the best for you, random band T shirt and skinny jeans purchased at a second hand store,” Bella quipped back and I internally sighed in relief.

“What’s the band?” I asked as Bella closed the door to the tiny car that my parents only used as backup.

“Oh, some local one my mom drug me to at some point. She's always trying to stay _young_ and _cool_ ,” Bella said, using air quotes around the adjectives her mom had obviously clung to.

I snorted as I maneuvered the car out of Bella’s driveway and onto the road. “At least she was trying. My parents are as old fashioned as an episode of _Leave it to Beaver_.”

Bella shrugged. “Well, you know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. My mom was kind of the child in our relationship. When she got remarried it was the main reason I moved to Forks, because I no longer felt the need to take care of her. She has Phil to do that for her now.”

“So, what kind of music do you like to listen to?” I asked, changing the subject, trying to keep our conversation from turning morose so quickly by talking about our parents.

Forgetting for a second where I was, I turned the car radio on only to hear the noise of loud church hymns blasting from the car speakers. I quickly hit the button that pushed the cassette tape out and switched to the radio. “Sorry.” I stuck my tongue out to express my displeasure with the music.

Bella laughed. “Uh, not that kind of music. Who even has a cassette player anymore?”

“My old fashioned parents,” I replied, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

Bella smiled and I made note of how beautiful it looked on her, before turning my eyes back to the road in front of me. I found some generic station that played top 40 hits and Bella seemed okay with it at first, but then after a few minutes asked if she could switch stations. “Go ahead,” I replied and was surprised when she settled on classical.

“I’m sorry, I know it's just one more thing to make me seem weird, but I feel calm when I listen to classical,” she explained when I gave her a look of surprise.

“I don't think you're wierd," I stated, my eyes still forward. "Why are you nervous?"

“I don’t know. I guess I’m worried for you ... about what my telling you today will get you involved in,” Bella said in a voice that verged on being a whisper.

_You’re worried about me?!_

My heart pounded inside my chest at the thought that Bella was thinking about me enough to be concerned. I glanced at her and saw that she was playing with a lock of her hair … Bella’s telltale sign of being upset. “Hey, don’t think about me.” I waved flippantly in her direction with my right hand. “I’m here for you and we don’t even have to start out this trip talking about _him_. Let’s just get to Port Angeles, be typical teenage girls out for some fun shopping, and then you can tell me whatever it is when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Jess. Thanks for being a friend. I don’t have many here,” she replied after a few seconds transpired while a dead composer on the radio filled the space between us.

I wanted to reply with some heartfelt declaration that stated my deep feelings for her, but the voice of reason inside my brain pushed forth with the very platonic, “Oh, don't get all mushy on me,” and I shrugged off the seriousness of her appreciation with my trademark sarcasm.

When she didn’t respond right away, I laughed to show Bella I was joking and she echoed my humor with her own soft chuckle. Then I continued down the road towards Port Angeles, wondering what the day held for us.


	4. Chapter 4

My parent’s car was so ancient that I didn’t want to chance driving too fast on our way to Port Angeles. My head contained a vision of vehicle parts falling off alongside the highway, and once this image ended another entered my head. The second showcased me calling my parents and explaining to them why my friend and I needed to be picked up. If either of those situations ended up springing forth from my brain to became reality then I was sure the end result would involve me not being allowed to drive their car again. I wasn’t going to take that chance. Unfortunately this meant that I had to drive using a pace similar to someone who had already entered a nursing home. It didn’t go unnoticed by Bella and after being on the road for a few minutes with me, she joked, “You’re driving so much slower than I thought you would. I’m starting to rethink my decision of letting you be my chauffeur, grandma.”

“I’m pretty sure chauffeurs get paid. Does that mean you’ll be handing over some cash to your grammy when we get there?” I played along using my best interpretation of what an elderly woman might sound like, although mine sounded like she might have worked the vaudeville stage at some point.

Bella laughed. “Yeah, sure if you actually get us to Port Angeles I will pay you, but only because I will be so shocked that we got there at all.”

“You are the rudest grandchild I’ve ever had in all my years of being a grandma! I’m taking back that sweater I knitted you for Christmas.”

We went back and forth like this for a while and the silliness made me giddy. It lifted the heavy mood that had blanketed us ever since Edward had been brought up and Bella admitted she worried about letting me into whatever secret world the two of them shared. The idea that she thought about me, like at all, was something that still wrapped itself around my brain and hugged tightly. Bella hadn’t brought up _hottest guy in class_ since then and whatever secrets his perfectly coiffed hair had inside its tresses, she didn’t bring them up. It seemed that as long as we didn’t talk about Edward and the conflicting emotions she felt about him, then Bella was okay. She even turned the station away from classical, which I silently praised baby jeebus for. Classical wasn’t something I had in common with Bella … you know, along with the whole lesbian thing.

Port Angeles wasn’t that big and only contained one mall, but it was one more mall than Forks had to offer. The only place in our little town I could think of that one could visit to find what a girl might need for a school dance was a resale shop that sometimes sold old bridesmaid dresses. Otherwise, if you wanted to wear anything new, it would have to come from Port Angeles ... unless you were feeling frisky and wanted to the drive to Seattle. When we eventually made it into Port Angeles and pulled up to its mall, Bella handed me a dollar bill and I glared at her in a teasing manner, but pocketed the money anyway.

Our dress shopping was uneventful, since Bella wasn’t buying and really was only there for moral support. She informed me that her tastes in clothes didn’t exactly include dresses and she didn’t know what looked good to wear to a dance. “I guess you could say I’m a tomboy or at least that’s what my mom always said when I was growing up.”

“What does your dad say?” I asked from behind one of the dressing room doors as I adjusted my breasts inside the top of a spaghetti strapped two piece pink dress.

“He doesn’t say much. Doesn’t really care. I think he’s just glad I’m not up for showing off all the curves I _don’t_ have with tight clothes,” she replied and my brain instantly created an image of Bella dressed this way, but I quickly let it scatter into the recesses of my mind where I could pull it out later ... now was not the time.

“What do you think?” I asked walking out of my dressing room, because even though my friend had let me know she wasn’t willing to critique, I wouldn’t let her get off so easy.

Bella’s smile was shy when her eyes met mine and I saw the faint rise of the color pink lighten her cheeks. “Well, I think Mike will appreciate the view of your … uh … chest.”

Glancing down, I noticed the crevice in between my breasts that the dress showed off nicely. Probably too nicely.  I shook my head, “Yeah, too much boobage. Don’t want to give him the wrong idea, like I want him hanging around after the dance or something. This dress is a no.”

I had moved back into the tiny space that contained one mirror and a few other dresses I had already tried on, when I heard Bella ask somewhat timidly from the other side of the door, “Um Jess, I thought you liked Mike.”

“I do,” I replied, not understanding where she was coming from. “Going to the dance with him doesn’t exactly scream _I hate you_.” My voice came out playfully sardonic and I hoped Bella would catch the tease in my voice. She did and softly laughed.

“Yeah, I know, but you just said you didn’t want to give him the wrong idea to stick around,” Bella explained. “What idea is that?”

I knew that the real wrong idea was I didn’t want Mike being anything more to me than a prop. He would be my blinking billboard that showed everyone else at my high school just how normal I was … hey, here is a boy I’m going to a dance with, very hetero behavior from Jessica Stanley. Nothing unusual to see here. Move along. Of course, I couldn’t tell Bella this … or anyone, so I lied. “I’m not really looking for anything when it comes to guys. Dating is fun, but it distracts me from my endgame of leaving Forks after graduation. I don’t want to be tied down to this town, because of a guy.”

_But a girl on the other hand …_

“Oh that’s too bad for him, because Angela told me she overheard Mike telling Ben that he planned to take you somewhere else after the dance. I guess I assumed it was someplace ...” Bella paused, “Well, you know private to do private things.”

I snorted and exited the dressing room wearing the clothes I had come in. “The only place I’m going after the dance is home to eat some ice cream and watch Netflix. He can go somewhere else and be private with his hand.”

“Jess!” Bella exclaimed in a shocked whisper.

My filter, which usually was functioning properly, had been on the fritz ever since I’d decided to open up to Bella and now it seemed that along with my closeted lesbian those parts of me were falling away, destroying the expertly crafted character I had created. I honestly didn’t care anymore and didn’t think Bella minded my candor. She was more surprised than offended … we were teenage girls after all, it would be weird if the subject of a guy jerking off didn’t come up at least once during our trip.  I shrugged my shoulders in response to her saying my name and Bella giggled shyly.

“I think I’ll get this yellow one.” I held up my chosen dress for Bella’s inspection and she nodded.

“It goes with your bright and colorful vocabulary,” she added with a wink and I melted.

“Ok, so I’m going to pay for this and then we can get some lunch? Maybe do that other thing we came all the way out here to do?” I said, bringing up Edward, because I knew Bella was stalling.

“Yeah, I guess so,” she sighed, leaning against the wall and fiddling with the zipper of her hoodie, “But can we go somewhere else first?”

“Where’d you have in mind?”

“A book store,” Bella replied, a bit of hesitation in her voice.

I wasn’t sure if she was joking, “Um yeah, I got a book store on my phone, it’s called the Amazon app. Pretty useful tool.”

“No, I’m serious. It’s one of those weird bookstores that has palm reading in the back and sells books on the occult. I looked it up online.”

“You looked the store up online, but didn’t take the time to order the book you were looking for at the same time?” I raised my eyebrows.

Bella sighed. “I don’t know what book I want. I just like the ambiance okay and it will help me in explaining things to you.”

I could tell she was getting frustrated with me and I decided to lay off the teasing. “Okay … let’s go to this bookstore, but if you tell me that we are going to meet Edward there, so he can read our palms then I’m out.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Believe me he doesn’t need to read a palm to know what someone’s thinking.”

She sounded glum, but I didn’t press her to explain what she meant, because I was sure I would find out soon enough anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

When we got back to the car, I draped my new dress across the backseat and then plopped myself in front of the steering wheel. "So, where exactly is this fantastical book store that you looked up online?" I asked Bella, who was sitting beside me as my passenger.

"It's not actually far from here. If you pull out of the parking lot I can … um … give you directions," Bella replied, glancing up at me and then quickly turning away to focus on a lock of hair she had grasped between her fingers.

Her demeanor had changed during the walk from the department store to the car. She now seemed embarrassed about wanting to take me to the bookstore at all and I regretted having teased her so much about it before. I decided to reel back a bit on that part of my personality … at least when it concerned Bella. I wanted her to be comfortable with me and not be afraid of sharing, because she thought I might judge her. If I made her feel apprehensive then wasn't I being a hypocrite? Except for my anonymous blog posts, I never shared who I really was with anyone, because I feared being judged. How horrible that I was making Bella feel like me.

"You know, I've always wanted to have my palm read, but I was too afraid. We should totally try and get ours read when we get there." I was lying, but it was important that I try and pull Bella from the shyness my teasing had obviously caused.

"Well, if you do it then I might as well too," Bella smiled at me, letting her hair lock of distraction go.

"Good. We can be each other's support system in case we're told that some bad karma is coming our way. Maybe not telling Angela about our trip will come back to bite us," I joked and then placed the car's key into the ignition.

Only when I twisted it upward the engine didn't start. I tried again, but got the same result. Apparently I'd spoken my bad karma into existence. "I thought driving slow would keep this from happening," I mumbled to myself.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, although it was pretty obvious what the problem was.

"I'm not sure why, but the car won't start. I'm not really good with cars. Talking about douchebag guys, yes. Why a vehicle won't start, no," I replied, trying to ease her worry and maybe some of my own with humor.

Bella pulled her phone from her purse. "Do you need me to have Charlie come take a look at the engine? If he can get it to work again, you won't have to call your parents and get a lecture about responsibility. My dad's cool. If I ask him not to say anything, he won't."

I was thankful for Bella's offer, but panicked at the thought of losing our alone time together. If her dad came to help, she wouldn't want to tell me about Edward anymore, not that I really cared much about him, but it was the reason behind this trip. Would I ever get this chance again? Probably not.

_Maybe it's for the best. You need to let this fantasy of yours go_

_Oh, closeted lesbian, welcome back_ , I replied sarcastically to my subconscious, which really was just me replying to myself. Great, I was talking to myself. Clearly I was insane. Insane for the ongoing conversations I kept having with a part of myself I had labeled as another person, but more importantly insane for pursuing Bella.

Well, I'd gotten this far and tuning back wasn't an option. My fate of heartbreak was already sealed and I was going to enjoy my fall into it. "Thanks, but we don't have to call him right now. You said the bookstore wasn't far. We can walk there and then come back here to eat in the food court. Not exactly as nice as that Italian restaurant on the boardwalk, but we can pretend by eating at _Sbarros_. Pizza's Italian, you know. Even reheated pizza!"

I hoped I didn't sound as pathetic to Bella as I did to myself. It all came out like one long groveling plea. _Please, don't leave me. I need you … to eat pizza with me, so I can pretend you're my girlfriend, you're so pretty, god I'm such a loser._

Bella didn't notice any pathetic qualities to my begging or at least didn't let on. She instead patted my hand that was still resting on the steering wheel and said, "Okay, I see what this is. You just really want to get your palm read."

I gave her a sideways glance and Bella laughed softly. When she removed her hand a second later, its absence was noted. "I get it," she continued. "You're just trying to keep me on track. I know I've been stalling about the whole Edward thing."

"Yeah, I guess I'm too transparent for you." I internally sighed, relieved at her inability to see my true colors.

"Okay, let's go and maybe I can tell you what's really going on."

We left the car and began our journey towards Bella's mystical bookstore with a promise to return for lunch and make that eventual phone call to her dad. Bella was right about the store not being far … for a car. Walking took us a bit longer, 30 minutes longer. The route brought us through parts of Port Angeles that I wasn't familiar with and didn't think were that well taken care of. We passed a few people along the way, none that made me pause to grasp my pepper spray out of my purse, but I reminded myself exactly where it was if I needed to use that form of defense for whatever reason. I also pulled up some memories from those few times I had tried to get an exercise routine going. The workout DVDs hadn't exactly been marked as self-defense 101, but I was pretty sure some kicking had been involved. In any case, my legs had hurt the next day.

As we walked Bella made small talk, asking me questions about my life, trying to take the focus off herself and _El Douchebageo_. I told her that I had lived in Forks all my life, was active in my parent's church, although I considered myself agnostic, and named off both my siblings. There were a few more questions, but after some time she ran out of things to ask and I decided to take advantage of her pause. "Are you interested in Edward … like as a boyfriend?"

She looked up at me in surprise, but her face quickly sobered like she was a child caught in a lie. Bella wasn't lying, she had been trying to distract me. "I don't know. I think I'm more interested in him as a thing than as a future boyfriend. I don't really date and if I did he wouldn't be my first choice."

"What do you mean?" I asked too forcefully, my curiosity getting the better of me.

Bella shrugged. "I don't trust my feelings for him. Ask any girl in school if they think he's hot and they'll say yes, but I wonder if they feel that way, because of their true feelings or are they drawn to him, because he makes them."

I gave her a weird look and she waved her hand as if to say _ignore me_ , "Sorry. I guess that makes no sense. I'm just babbling. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because there's other things about him that bother me that I couldn't deal with if we dated."

"Like his ..." _penis, because you're a lesbian like me._

"Oh, look … we're here!" Bella said, being overly enthusiastic about the fact that a distraction had popped up just when she needed it.

I looked over the outside of the bookstore and had to suppress a laugh, because I knew it would come out sounding cynical. It was every bit as new-agey as my mind had thought it would be. Despite my doubts about the crystals and dream-catchers on display in the window actually working, I followed Bella through the door. There was a little tinkling of bells announcing our entrance and an old woman with long gray hair looked up from behind a see-through counter that was home to more crystals on display. She greeted us and Bella and I disappeared into the rows of books occupying the center of the store.

"This is the weirdest _Barnes and Noble_ I have ever been to. I think as a company they've really let themselves go," I whispered to Bella as she tapped the spines of the books, looking over the titles.

Her response was an exaggerated eye roll and I pouted my lips. "Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I have a sarcasm problem. I idolized Chandler Bing from _Friends_ when I was younger."

"Could you be any more annoying?" she mimicked the _Friends_ character I'd mentioned and then jabbed me with her elbow playfully.

I laughed and had to fight the urge to tickle her back, because that would have made things weird. "Look Bella, I'm trying to be supportive, but what do any of these books have to do with Edward?"

"You'll see," she replied just as her fingers pulled one of the books away from the others.

"What's that?"

I tried to peer over her shoulder, but Bella twirled around to face me with the book clutched tightly to her chest. "Let's wait till we get back to the mall. It's some pretty heady stuff and I don't want to bog down your first palm reading with it. I promise you when I show you the book you'll … well, you will either think I'm crazy or you'll see Edward in a whole new way."

"What? Is he actually a decent guy that doesn't try to control his lady friends? That's the only new light I can see him in that will actually surprise me," my voice was mocking.

Bella ignored me. "I'll go pay for this and then ask about getting our palms read," she replied.

I wanted to kick myself for being so sarcastic again and groaned softly as I watched Bella walk away. I went to follow her and apologize, but stopped when I saw her move the book from the protected shield of her grasp. It was no longer covered as Bella placed it on the counter and I saw the title for the first time: _The Complete Encyclopedia of Vampire Lore_.


	6. Chapter 6

I couldn't get the image of Bella's purchased book out of my head. I wasn't sure how to interpret her buying it, but kept coming back to the theory that Edward was just a really obsessed fan of _The Vampire Diaries_ and Bella was trying to be supportive. As far-fetched as that theory sounded in my head, it was much more believable than my second guess, that Edward was a vampire. Which, if correct, meant my life was about to get balls-out crazy … or maybe Bella was actually the only crazy thing here. She had said something similar, that either I would see Edward in a new light or I would think she was crazy, but I didn't think any scenario thrown at me would be as insane as what I suspected now. Not even close.

All through our palm readings I was distracted, thinking about the book inside the hemp tote Bella had also purchased along with it. Although, I didn't really pay attention to what the woman wearing the gold headpiece with a medallion dangling in front of her forehead had to say anyways once she saw a tall, dark and handsome man coming into my life and altering it completely. She'd acted like this news would please any teenage girl, but all it did was make me think she was that much more of a charlatan.

_Would he have a big dick too? Oh boy! Just what I want._

Bella's reading didn't involve any guys coming into her life, but she did get the same life altering prediction and seemed to take it in stride. She probably didn't believe someone's life could be predicted by the wrinkles making up the inside of their hand. Bella had just wanted to come here for the book, but it was that book in question that made me wonder what exactly Bella did believe in.

As we left the bookstore, heading back towards the mall, I waited for Bella to bring up her purchase, but she remained quiet. Her head was turned slightly downward as she studied her shoes. Twice I had to get my friend's attention before she came in contact with something that would have caused her to fall on the pavement. It reminded me of my fantasy of Bella tripping into my arms, but I didn't find happiness in the thought, because I was too keyed up waiting for her to tell me what the hell her book had to do with Edward. Finally I reached out and grasped Bella's arm, causing her to stop and focus on me instead of her damn Converses. "Are we going to talk about what you bought at that bookstore?" My tone was a little less controlled than I would have liked, but I'd reached my breaking point. I needed answers.

Bella looked at me, confusion creasing the skin between her eyes. Then I watched as her vision traveled down to my hand still holding her forearm. Suddenly I became aware of our nearness. I was standing close to her, like I had been on the day when we'd tried to walk to the nurse's office together and I felt my face becoming flushed. I rarely blushed. I usually had more control over things like my emotions, because I was never really being myself. The emotions I projected were the ones of a character I'd created, but around Bella I lost myself and an unorthodox shyness crept over me. I let go of her arm and looked down, seeing the tips of our shoes touching. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be … like him … what I mean is, being forceful. You don't have to say anything about anything if you don't want to." My words came out clumsy, fumbled by the embarrassment I still felt taking up space in every part of me.

I half expected Bella to laugh at how dumb I sounded or maybe run away from me for proving I was every bit as awful as her controlling _boyfriend_ , but when I looked up again it was Bella's face that was now apologetic. She was biting her lip and twisting her fingers around a lock of hair. I was close enough to where I could detect the slight fragrance of strawberries again.

"If you wanted to tell me, you know about anything, I would never judge you," I reassured her, forcing myself to talk like a normal human being and not Gollum from _Lord of the Rings_.

"I think I saw his Volvo," Bella whispered, her voice full of apology. "That's why I haven't said anything since we left the store."

"What?" I replied on reflex, but did I really need to ask? I knew who she was referring to … the only guy who drove a silver Volvo to school whenever it was in session.

Before she could respond though, I heard a loud whistle coming from somewhere outside of our protective bubble. I twisted my head in the direction of the noise and saw four men standing across the street, dressed like they were too old for the abundant facial hair and casual clothes they were wearing. Someone their age should have been beyond the whole college uniform of flannels and ratty jeans that reminded me of guys playing in some sucky local band that no one ever came to see. Only it was Saturday afternoon and no bands would be playing so early. These guys looked the way they did, because they were losers. "Kiss her. You know you want to," one of them called out rudely.

I rolled my eyes in his direction and turned back to face Bella. "Volvo or no Volvo, let's get out of here. I have a zero idiot policy." I gestured my head towards the men being morons.

She nodded and linking arms, we continued to head back in the direction of the mall. "Hey, where are you going?" the same voice that had urged us to kiss called out as his buddies began to catcall us.

When we didn't reply they began laughing, saying even more disgusting things that hinged on rapey and I felt an anger flare within me. Just because we were of the female persuasion didn't mean we had to take their abuse. I suddenly stopped moving and reached into my purse to take hold of one of my defenses against them.

"What are you doing?" Bella's voice was shaky and when I looked at her, I could see the fear highlighting her wide eyes.

"Don't worry. I got this," I calmly said, trying to ease Bella's anxiety.

The fact that these guys were actually terrifying her made my hatred for their standard sexual harassment flare. No one was going to get away with verbally assaulting my would-be girlfriend without a fight. Besides, it was the middle of the day with other people around us. If these guys tried anything then they would have had to be the physical embodiment of stupidity. "Hey, asshats," I yelled out for them and anyone else nearby to clearly hear. "If you think you can intimidate me or my friend with your sexist remarks then you can say hello to my pepper spray. It responds really well to jerks who feel the need to bother two girls minding their own business."

I pointed the little bottle in their direction and scowled to let them know I didn't give a shit if they weren't intending to physically harm us, because if they stepped any closer then I wouldn't hesitate to physically harm them.

There was pause, as if the group had never been stood up to before by one of their victims and was truly surprised by my bravado, but then like some dumb Neanderthal knee-jerk reaction the ring leader shouted, "Lesbian," in my direction.

"Thank you for the compliment," I twirled around and pretended to curtsey, which only irritated him further.

He made some rude gesture, bringing his hands to the front of his pants and I replied by flipping him the bird. "Stay away from us," I warned in an icy voice.

Other people on the street were beginning to take in the scene and noticing this the guys gave up, turned and walked away. When they had moved a distance from us, I laughed to let off the tension I felt. Despite not really thinking they were a threat, it was still difficult to act like I could actually take any one of them on. "Are you okay?" Bella asked, probably confused by my weird reaction.

I nodded and then leaned into her. "Glad to know I have it in me to stand up to assholes. It will come in handy when I move to a bigger city. Yay to being an awesome woman."

I raised my hand for a fist bump and Bella responded with her knuckles against mine, before pulling me into a hug that I gladly accepted. When she finally pulled away, I saw her mouth open to say something, but she clamped it shut when a car suddenly raced up beside us and stopped. "Get in!" a voice commanded from the driver side door after it flew open.

"Edward?" Bella asked, her voice nervous.

"Just get in. There is a group of men thinking terrible things about you nearby. I have to protect you!" The way he sounded reminded me of the worst version of Christian Bale's _Batman_ , all husky anger, but no comprehension.

"If you're referring to the douche bags that were saying chauvinist things to us before, then I can assure you, I handled the situation," I replied for Bella as I narrowed my eyes specifically for Edward. God how many dicks was I going to have to repel today?

But to my astonishment, Bella walked around his car to the passenger's side and opened the door. "Bella, are you leaving with him?" I asked, unable to hide the hurt in my voice.

Her look was desperate when she said, "Come with me, please."

It was amazing how quickly I wanted to do what Bella asked, considering doing so meant I would be forced into a situation where Edward and I would both be vying for her attention. I hated Edward Cullen and I couldn't stand the idea of being near him. Not to mention, my whole vampire theory … the dude could end up driving us to some secluded spot to suck our blood. Still, none of that mattered when I was faced with the option of leaving Bella alone with him. I didn't even question it. I just did. I jumped into the back seat of his Volvo, slammed the door, and left all my dignity behind.

I could never leave Bella's side as long as she wanted me near her.


	7. Chapter 7

For it being the middle of the day and mild outside, the interior of Edward's Volvo was very dark and cold. I shivered after shutting the car door behind me and watched as Edward's weird colored eyes followed my movements from his rearview mirror. He didn't say a word, only looked and another shiver traveled from the base of my neck down my spine. I tried to shake off the anxiety his gaze gave me and glared back at him through the mirror. Either it worked or he didn't feel like I was worth dealing with anymore, because a few seconds later he looked away. As much as I wanted to believe it was my act of defiance that had caused his focus to shift, I knew my insignificance to him was the real reason, because after that it was like I wasn't even there at all. He only looked and spoke to Bella.

"Put your seatbelt on," he ordered and Bella dutifully did as she was told.

Then he took off, unnecessarily screeching his tires like we were in some dumb action movie. "Where are you going?" I asked, trying to keep the worry in my voice to a minimum.

My question went unanswered as he raced forward, failing to stop at several stop signs. For someone claiming he needed to protect Bella, the guy was being pretty reckless. "Slow down. You're gonna get us killed," I said, but no one acknowledged me and exasperated, I looked to Bella to help reinforce my request by saying her name.

Her dark brown eyes flashed to me and I saw an apology in them, but the look was brief before she turned back to our manic driver. "I thought you were supposed to be camping with your family. What are you doing here?"

"I was camping," he replied, enunciating his words like Bella was an idiot for asking. "But I was worried about you, so I followed your scent and it looks like I came just in time. Those men-"

"Were totally taken care of," I interrupted, trying to ignore the way he'd used the term scent … like he was a dog or something. "They were just idiots, trying to get a reaction. You know … like half of the male population."

Edward exhaled loudly and it reminded me of something a spoiled brat would do when they didn't get their way. I readied myself for a fight, but Bella came to my defense. "She's right, you know. I was scared at first, but Jess took care of them. We weren't exactly in any danger."

"What are you even doing here?" Edward continued talking like Bella hadn't even said anything. "You didn't tell me you were coming here with _her_."

That _her_ was me and the way Edward said it wasn't exactly friendly. "I don't tell you everything," Bella replied, her voice shaky, like standing up to him was difficult for her. "You're not my boyfriend. You're just somebody that has a weird obsession with me. You may have saved my life and I'm very grateful for that, but I hope you know, the only reason I got in your car was to avoid the scene I knew you would make if I didn't. So please, don't drag Jess into this."

"Well, isn't that exactly what you're doing by hanging out with her?"

Edward exhaled loudly again … that same little brat noise and I had to resist the urge to smack the back of his head as I stared at it from the backseat … or at the very least muss up his perfect hair. Even though I didn't have it in me get violent with him, I still created an image in my head of me doing just that and had to hold back a laugh, because the thought was very comical. But then as if being punished for my thoughts, Edward suddenly pushed his foot hard against the break, causing me to fall face first into his headrest.

Like an idiot I had been too preoccupied with loathing Edward to buckle my seatbelt. Sitting back up with a moan, I heard him chuckle under his breath and knew he'd probably come to a stop just to hurt me. This made me wonder if Edward would like a face full of pepper spray, but I stopped short of actually reaching into my purse, because if he was a vampire then I doubted the spray would have any effect on him. Scratch the whole hitting him too. I'd probably break my hand. Damnit why didn't I carry a wooden stake with me at all times? Didn't all of those episodes of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ teach me anything? Well, besides that Buffy could look hot while kicking ass.

"What the hell, Bella? Are you telling Jessica things about me and my family?" I heard Edward say, his voice turning from annoyed to dangerously dark.

"No … I … I haven't said anything about you." Bella's voice was a frightened whisper.

I'd never seen Edward get violent before, but at the same time, was well aware that my knowledge of who Edward Cullen really was had changed drastically since our trip to the bookstore. Yelling at him to stop being a dick would probably escalate the situation, so I decided to take the opposite approach. "Bella hasn't said anything to me about you … or your family. We were only shopping for dresses and were about to go get some lunch before you showed up."

Edward sighed again, but it was less spoiled sounding now and almost remorseful. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I have a problem with my temper … when it concerns you, Bella. I just want you safe." Of course, his apology hadn't been directed at me. He was still acting like I wasn't there.

Edward started moving his car again and turned a corner when we came to a stop light. Then he turned the car again until we were heading back in the direction we'd come from. "Where are we going now?" Bella asked.

"If you were heading to lunch, then I will take you to lunch," he answered and after driving a little bit further we arrived at the Italian restaurant Bella and I had originally planned on going to before our car troubles.

Edward parked and then stepped out of the Volvo, coming around to Bella's side and opening her door, but there was no chivalrous act for me. In fact, I had to bang on my window to get him to unlock the car. Stupid child locks. Glancing back over his shoulder, Edward hit a button on a device connected to his key chain to let me out and then placed his arm around Bella's torso. I was beginning to suspect that he knew about my secret crush and was rubbing my nose in the fact that I couldn't have her. Maybe it was part of being a vampire that let him suspect what others around me were too clueless to hone in on.

The more I thought about it the more things began to fall into place. The way he had told me it would never work after I'd tried to take Bella to the nurse's office, how he seemed to have known I was thinking about hitting him and was also aware that he might be a vampire, not to mention he'd gone to the same restaurant Bella and I had planned on, these were all indications pointing me towards the answer that Edward could read my mind.

" _Believe me he doesn't need to read a palm to know what someone's thinking."_

Bella's words from earlier in the day suddenly made sense. Edward knew what was inside my head. Maybe it was part of the whole supernatural thing with him being a vampire? _If_ he was a vampire. I shook my head, wary of how easy it was becoming for me to accept something so ridiculous sounding. Well, whatever. Edward and I both had our secrets and vampire or not I wasn't going to be intimidated by his asshole mocking and said a not so polite word to him under my breath as I opened my door and stumbled out. He looked back again and laughed. By this time, Bella had maneuvered out of his hold and when she saw my fall, went to help me up off the ground. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I got you involved in this," she said, leaning down and offering her hand.

I took it and we both stood. "I'm fine and don't apologize. I'm glad you got me involved, because I don't care who or what he is. I'm not going to let him bully us."

"You don't have to do this," Bella replied, ignoring my expressed desire to stand up to Mr. Vampire. "Call your parents and have them come get you. Say I was a terrible friend and abandoned you for a guy."

"No … let's go get some lunch and maybe I can give him a piece of my mind while we're at it." I scowled at Edward's back as he walked through the restaurant door and then held it open for us ... well, probably more likely only for Bella. I'd be lucky if he didn't slam it in my face.

I sent him a withering look, but he acted as if I wasn't there. His eyes were on his prize, Bella. Her expression was unreadable as she let go of my hand and moved in Edward's direction. The way she went to him made me wonder if he had some pull over her that wasn't natural and I felt my anxiety from before beginning to swell inside me. If I went with them, I was going to be entering dangerous territory. He knew the truth about me. I was pretty sure of it and also my whole vampire theory … man, I was crazy, because if everything I assumed was true then I was going to be fighting with a vampire for the affections of someone. Although, I didn't entirely see it that way, because Bella obviously wasn't into Edward the way he was into her, but she couldn't find an out. Well, I would help her find that out.

_Sarah Michelle Gellar, please help me!_

I silently sent a prayer to the actress who had played _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , which in retrospect was probably weird, but by that point it had already been a weird day and when I followed Bella and Edward through the doors of _La Bella Italia_ I knew it would only get weirder.


	8. Chapter 8

My lunch with Bella would have been much more pleasant if Edward hadn't been there. Truth be told, a lot of things would have been more pleasant without  _hottest guy in class_ around, but in this instance, I took personal offense to his hijacking of my afternoon with Bella. The sting of him taking my plan to use our lunch as a moment where I could pretend there was a chance for us and twisting it to serves his needs, made my dislike for him grow stronger.

When his family first showed up in Forks, Edward enrolled in my school and had been a freshman like me. We shared classes and from the start I'd never understood why so many fell over themselves just to get a glimpse of him. I may not have gotten the allure, but I understood that to be normal was to find him attractive and so, I'd acted accordingly. I pretended that I wanted him to ask me out when in fact the opposite was true. Not that it mattered. Edward didn't show interest in anyone, which was more than fine with me. I shuddered to think what I would have done if all my fake fawning had actually worked and gotten me a date.

Now things had changed. My ambivalence was forced into hated, because he threatened the only person I cared about at that moment. Sure, my family was important to me and all that, but for a teenage girl, finding your first crush was a big deal. I'd found mine and Edward was toying with that unrequited infatuation. Three years I'd known him to be this asexual guy and of course, the first time he showed any emotion other than brooding, it was this obsessive compulsive need to win over my crush.

So yeah, I hated him now, but not only for ruining my time with _future imaginary girlfriend_. That part was not such a big deal when compared to what Bella had to deal with. Her situation with Edward was more serious, because he controlled her and she was too afraid to stand up to him. I assumed Bella's fear went hand in hand with her knowledge that he wasn't human. If she stepped out of line, what would be the consequence?

Then there was the issue of his _power_ over her. I wasn't exactly sure how he was able to manipulate Bella into doing what he wanted, but there was a change in my friend whenever Edward was around. I could tell she fought it as best she could. The memory of her gutsy objections after he carried her off to the nurse's office was still fresh in my head, but in the end his magnetism had a way of winning. I wondered why he didn't have that power over me. Was I defective or just not worth Edward's time to work his vampire mojo on? Either way, I had a strong desire to punch his perfect smile with those perfectly set white teeth, off his face, because of all he put Bella through.

Not that it mattered at all to Edward how I felt. To him I was something insignificant standing in the way of his playing knight in shining armor with Bella. The fact that his armor came in the form of being a sexist turd was lost on him. In his warped mind I'm sure he thought he was being a noble vampire, which is what I now knew for sure he was … a vampire, not noble.

Edward had dropped the guise of being human a few minutes after we'd been seated inside the restaurant. I'd watch him use his manipulation on the hostess to bump us to the top of the waitlist and once we were in the privacy of our booth, I had called him out on it. Bella already knew and I suspected, so what was the point in playing games anymore? He seemed to agree, because my vampire antagonist didn't deny it and for the first time acknowledged my presence with a straightforward answer. "Yes," he said, although, it was with the caveat that him being dead didn't change anything concerning his feelings for Bella.

"Can you read minds then?" I asked, feeling like I was pressing my luck, but refusing to give up now that I knew my assumption about what he was had been true.

"Did you get that information from Bella's book?" he asked snidely and from the corner of my eye I saw Bella flush red .

I wondered if this was his sly way of answering my question without actually saying yes. The vampire encyclopedia hadn't been mentioned to Edward and was still inside its bag on the floor of the Volvo. Had he read our minds to figure this piece of information out? "What are you saying? Yes, or no?"

Edward leaned partially across the table towards me and said, "I know what you're thinking, Jessica Stanley. I've always known."

The way he spoke was meant to mock me, because he affected a sort of Vincent Price accent, which would have been funny had the situation been different. In response I pursed my lips, an action that caused Edward to laugh at his own joke in earnest. Quickly becoming annoyed, as if there was any other way to be around the vampire equivalent of a dumb jock, I tried to move the subject away from me. "If you can read minds then why can't you tell that Bella doesn't feel the same way about you?"

I looked over at the person I'd mentioned, hoping to give her some courage to say out loud exactly how she felt, but Bella didn't meet my gaze. Instead her eyes focused on a lock of hair that she absently twisted into a braid. I was forced then to look back at Edward who was shaking his head. His expression changed back into the sexy (to all but me) sulk I was used to and he explained that Bella's mind was cut off from him for some unknown reason. Mine though was wide open. He'd made sure I understood that part clearly. "So, don't get on my bad side unless you want something said that I know you don't want said."

I didn't know why he felt the need to intimidate me as if I were an actual threat. I mean, I did have some deluded idea that I could fight him off for Bella's sake, but it was a fantasy. Unless _Scooby Doo_ wanted to show up and help me pull Edward's mask off and reveal him to be Old Man Jenkins, I was pretty sure I would fail. It was strange why he just didn't expose me for the fraud I was and get it over with. Was he actually trying to _not_ be a dick, because he was afraid that if he treated me too badly it would push Bella away? Or was it possible the guy had some shred of decency in him and would only use his ability to read my brain against me if absolutely necessary? What if I pushed him too far, would it matter so much if he revealed what I had tried so hard to hide from everyone else?

Edward scrutinized me with an intense gaze while I let my mind wander, but then suddenly shifted his attention and ordered Bella to drink her soda. With irritation, I watched as he scooted the Coke our waitress had placed in front of Bella closer to her. Edward sounded like a father who was annoyed his child was going to leave a drop of liquid behind in a cup and waste it. I rolled my eyes at him from across the table and then inched the cup away from accidentally falling into Bella's lap. This was her second glass, only given to Bella at Edward's insistence that she would go into shock if she didn't have more sugar in her. "Unless you want her to get a urinary tract infection, I think she's had enough."

Thankfully I was sitting next to Bella and could protect her … well, protect her in a very limited way. If things got real and Edward decided it was time to show off his fangs then I probably didn't stand a chance, but for now I could at least fight back by stopping her excessive soda drinking. "I don't have fangs. You've seen too many movies," Edward snorted, having read my mind. "And Bella needs some sugar in her system, otherwise she'll go into shock."

"Says the guy who doesn't pee, so he can't possibly know what a UTI feels like," I grumbled back and to my surprise Edward actually chuckled. "Besides, you aren't supposed to give people in shock anything to drink or eat. Where did you get your first aid training from … the vampire Red Cross where you not only save lives, but take them?" My ability to make light about something so dark was somewhat unsettling, but I suppose it was the only way I knew how to be. Jessica Stanley made jokes to distract from the truth.

"I'm not going into shock," Bella suddenly protested and we both turned to stare at her in … well, for a lack of a better word, shock, because she hadn't said anything since we'd entered the restaurant. Instead Bella had let us bicker it out, not willing to become involved in our mild hostility towards each other.

"You should be. A normal person would be," Edward countered, pulling his face back from surprise and replacing it with a mask of concern, complete with wrinkled brow.

"Why should I be, because I was almost catcalled to death?" Bella was being sarcastic and Edward looked at her stunned. Sarcasm was usually my area of expertise.

His eyes narrowed in response and I watched as he looked into her eyes in a way that gave me chills. After a few seconds, Bella let out a defeated sigh and Edward pushed the breadstick basket from the center of the table towards her. "Eat," he said and Bella did as she was told, taking hold of one of the breadsticks and nibbling the end.

"See, that right there. What was that?" I was incredulous. "You clearly changed something in Bella by just looking at her."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward replied and it sounded like he actually meant what he said, but with him being a vampire, I was sure he had decades to learn how to lie properly … centuries even.

"Just one century," he corrected my thoughts.

I let out a string of ridiculous noises all meant to convey my frustration and then very bluntly said, "Bullshit. I saw you do it to the hostess."

"Whatever you say I did, I didn't do it intentionally. It's called being a vampire. I have no control over how others perceive me," he lowered his voice as a waiter walked by us with a tray of plates.

"Like morning wood?" I was being bitterly sarcastic now and I saw Edward clench his jaw.

"Watch it," he warned.

I glared at the table, frustrated. I wanted so badly to rescue Bella from her situation, but as long as Edward held my sexuality above my head, I was stuck deciding if my hetero Jess character was worth preserving. What would Bella do if she found out? What would my parents do? Send me to one of those straight camps and try to make me like boys? My stomach lurched, knowing this wasn't exactly a too out there possibility considering their penchant for the conservative. At the very least, I was sure I would be teased.

"Ohhhhh, Edward!" I heard a high pitched feminine voice suddenly echo across the restaurant, interrupting my personal crisis.

The sound of Edward's name was ostentatiously loud for the quiet atmosphere inside the room and I quickly looked up to see what the commotion was about. The shouter was standing with the hostess, flailing her arms around, trying to get the attention of her brother. It was Alice Cullen, Edward's weirdo sister. "Great. What is she doing here?" I heard him moan, not exactly showcasing any brotherly love.

"Oh, look! You have company with you!" Alice squealed as she approached our table. "I hope you don't mind if I join you three for lunch. This is going to be so much fun!"

"Well, actually –" Edward began, but was cut short when his sister shoved him aside, forcing his body to crash into the wall our booth was up against. I had to fight the urge to laugh at his shocked expression

"Great. I didn't think you would mind more company. The more the merrier is what I always say," she said to him and then turned to face me. "I already know Bella," she waved at my friend and Bella shyly returned the gesture. "Yet, I don't think we've ever actually talked before. I've seen you at school, but let's do this right. Hi, I'm Alice, Edward's quirky little sister."

Her smile was wide as she reached a hand across the table and even though it felt weird to do so, I took it and shook. "Hi. I'm Jess."


	9. Chapter 9

I decided early on after Alice joined us, that the negative feelings I always associated with her, because of the people she hung around, were completely misplaced. It was Edward I hated, but Alice was pretty cool. For so many years I had lumped her in with the rest of her strange family, not really stopping to notice who she was. During our lunch, I found out she could be very witty, but more importantly, was my discovery that we shared a common interest … an unwillingness to let her brother get away with being an assclown. The only difference was that Alice could actually get results when she attempted to put a stop to the way he tried to control Bella.

Alice rarely let Edward get a word in edgewise and if she noticed that he was even looking at Bella for too long in the wrong way, she would divert the attention of the group by being too loud about something that was ridiculous. Once she even stood to pirouette and another time demanded that they set up a karaoke station, so she could sing. Then Edward's sister actually began singing a _Britney Spears_ song in almost the exact same breathy-whiny voice as Britney. I laughed and told her she was pretty good to which Alice replied by taking my hand and kissing it. I thought I felt a blush brighten my face and as Alice sat back down, she said with a wink, "Well, it's very clear that you have excellent tastes, Jess." I saw her eyes linger for a second on Bella before turning to her brother and telling him he should stand up and sing _One Direction_. He declined.

Alice reminded me of every guy's manic pixie dream girl. Strange and weird, but in an endearing sort of way. If I didn't suspect that she was probably a vampire too then I might have been attracted to her. She just had that magnetism about her.

But even if I liked her, I wasn't sure why Alice had seemingly come out of nowhere to help us. Although, I could detect there was an ulterior motive to her cock blocking Edward. She didn't just come to the restaurant to mess with her brother. There was an endgame for her, but I couldn't possibly think what it was. Maybe she didn't like the idea of vampires mixing with humans romantically. In any case, it made my job easier and when she suggested driving Bella and me home after I mentioned my car had broken down, I didn't hesitate to take her up on that offer.

"But, Bella-"

"Will be perfectly fine with me, Edward, but thanks for paying the bill," Alice interrupted as she scooted out from the booth and stood. "Come on, girls. Let's get you back to Forks."

I turned to face Bella and grasped her hand under the table. She acknowledged the feeling of my touch by tightening her fingers around mine. This didn't make Edward happy. Whether he could claim x-ray vision as another special ability and saw through the table or if he had just read my thoughts and knew we were holding hands, I didn't know. Whatever the reason, I suspected that Bella's vampire admirer had finally reached his breaking point, because he let his human mask slip. I heard him make a noise of anger that was very inhuman and it caused Alice to stiffen for a second as her eyes glazed over. It happened so fast that I wasn't sure if I had imagined it, but what came next, I knew for sure was actually happening in real as shit time. Alice leaned into the booth Edward was still sitting in and got right into his face. "You won't do that," was all she said, but it was with such a different tone than I had come to expect from her after our lunch together.

The bright and breezy Alice was gone and in her place was something downright terrifying and vampire-like. But then she was back to normal, all smiles as she stood again and reached out to squeeze my shoulder with her cold hand. She gestured with her head towards the door of the restaurant. "Let's go."

"Are you ready, Bella?" I asked my friend, but my eyes were on Edward, worried about him making a scene if we tried to leave again.

His face looked defeated, an image that seemed totally out of place on him. Since I'd met Edward, very few emotions had passed over his face besides the constipated smolder he used so much it could have been copyrighted. Was his sister really that powerful of a threat that she could transform her brother from _hottest guy in class_ into sulky child and what had she meant with her order for him not to do whatever it was he was going to do? Edward glanced up at me, but said nothing. He was reading my mind, without commentary this time; not with Alice standing so near us. "I'm ready," Bella answered back and with our hands still interlocked, I stood to guide her out of the booth.

Neither of us said goodbye to Edward, but Alice did send him a look that resembled pity. I thought maybe she felt sorry for him along with finding his behavior reprehensible. He was her _brother_ after all ... whatever that meant for vampires. I assumed it was probably similar to the annoyance you might have for a family member with a bad habit, who you still loved regardless. I could relate, having two little brothers of my own to deal with. Sometimes I wanted to rip their heads off, but I'd never stop loving them.

When we walked outside, Bella leaned into me like a sudden weight was being lifted off of her and she wasn't able to handle the feeling of not being burdened by it anymore. Quickly I pulled my fingers from Bella's hand and then tried to steady her by wrapping my arm around her torso. "Thanks," she said, her face coming in contact with my neck, before she found her footing again and straightened upright.

"No problem," I replied, a shyness creeping into my voice, making the volume of it not much higher than a whisper … at least it was better than my squeaky _Gollum_ voice.

I let my arms fall back down to my side after Bella could walk again unassisted, but she reached out to take back one of my hands. "No, I really mean it," her voice was sincere. "Not just for catching me, but for what you tried to do in there. I didn't think you stood a chance against Edward, but you were so brave."

"Awww shucks," I said, imitating a voice that was intentionally cartoonish as a means to distract myself from the warm sensation growing in my stomach.

"And Jess wouldn't have gotten much headway with convincing my brother that Bella isn't right for him, so be thankful that you have a persuasive vampire on your side," Alice said, from a few feet in front of us.

She briefly looked over her shoulder and winked, before turning forward again. The way Alice had so casually revealed what she was, like it was nothing more than her saying she was a brunette, didn't faze me like it should have … like it would have before my crazy afternoon with Bella. Now it was just her saying out loud what I had already suspected. If Edward admitted he was a vampire, wouldn't it make sense that the rest of his family was? Then as if on cue, my eyes caught sight of a head of blonde hair that I instantly recognized as belonging to another member of Edward's family. Alice twirled over to the blond boy I knew was named Jasper and kissed him on the lips.

"How'd it go?" he asked her, pulling himself away from the yellow Porsche he'd been leaning on.

"As tedious as I thought it would be, but I've come out with what I went in wanting to get," Alice told him and then turned to face us. "Jess, I'd like you to meet my husband, Jasper. He came along to fix your car while I drive you home."

I balked. "Wait … you're married and your husband's going to fix my car?"

I was dumbfounded. How had he known about my car being broken? I only told Alice like ten minutes before. Edward's vampire sister opened her mouth to explain, because I was sure confusion was written all over my face, but I shook my head and held up my hand. "You know what? I don't need to know. I think I've learned enough for today to hold me over for at least a month. Come find me again in 31 days and tell me, oh, I don't know, that werewolves exist too."

Jasper snickered and Alice ribbed him. "It's okay, Jess. You can trust me. I'm on your side."

I tried to ignore the insinuation of Alice saying she was on my side. What side? The side that wanted to date someone so far out of my league she wasn't even playing on my team. It certainly felt that Alice had been trying to implicate my feelings for Bella, but maybe I was just being too sensitive. Like Edward, I was drained from having to hide myself behind a mask and my true emotions were out and raw. I was afraid that my closeted lesbian might have been strangled to death inside the hallways of my mind. Someone should go check on her. "Well, do you even need me to tell you where my car is, considering you two are one step ahead of me?" I sardonically asked.

"No, I don't think so," Jasper replied, his voice slightly apologetic.

I turned to look at Bella who shrugged her shoulders and I couldn't help, but laugh … laugh at the insanity of everything around me. I lived in a world of vampires and not only that, but I was about to willingly get in a car with two of them. Bella examined my reaction for a moment and then asked, "Are you okay, Jess?"

"No, but if you stay near me, I think I'll be okay. Just need another human around for support." I made my voice sound teasing, but I actually meant what I said.

"I can do that." Bella's hand was still wrapped in mine and she took the initiative, leading me forward to enter the backseat of the Porsche Jasper held the door open to.

During our drive back to Forks, a slow realization crept up on me when I noticed how close Bella was sitting next to me in the backseat. My mind tried to chalk it up to her being exhausted from our draining run in with Edward, but my slightly less cynical side wanted to believe that my friend appreciated my closeness … wanted it even. I shook my head, not willing to go down that path of wishful thinking. Alice for the most part stayed silent in the sense that she didn't talk to us, but instead hooked her phone up to the car's sound system and played Britney Spears' entire discography while also singing along. Her ability to mimic the pop star now made perfect sense to me and from time to time Bella and I would glance at each other and giggle over the serenading we were getting. Alice's singing didn't actually stop until she dropped Bella off at her house and then asked me to join her up in the front seat.

"Why? You're not going to bite me are you?" I joked to hide my apprehension.

"No, I don't drink from humans. Only animals," Alice said mater-of-factly, like I had been serious.

"That's good to know?" I hadn't meant for my words to come out sounding like a question, but nervousness had caused my voice to go up a few octaves near the end of my sentence.

"Yes, it's good to know. I told you. I'm on your side. Now come up here in the front with me." Alice patted the seat next to hers enthusiastically.

I obliged her request and stepped out of the car, pausing a second to glance at Bella's house, wondering what our relationship was now. I didn't expect it could blossom into dating, but things weren't the same as they had been that morning when I picked her up. We were closer now, but not as close as I would have liked. I sighed knowing it was the best I could hope for and then turned back to Alice's Porsche to open the door of the passenger's side. "No fangs and you don't drink human blood? What kind of vampire are you?" I said while sitting down next to Alice, continuing my trend of using humor as a buffer for fear.

"The good kind," Alice replied, glancing behind her to back out of Bella's driveway.

I couldn't stop my sarcastic snort or the biting way I replied, "I'm not so sure your brother is."

We were driving again, towards my house this time, and Alice darted her eyes my way, before looking back at the road. "Edward is hard to explain. He's mostly good, but he's also never been in love before and has a hard time accepting what isn't going to happen, so he's trying to control Bella into loving him. It's disgusting. He's like a teenage boy with his first crush, only more dangerous, because he's a vampire."

"Can you all do that? Control people?" I asked, wondering again why Edward didn't just use his ability on me to get what he wanted.

Alice shook her head. "It's not always so easy. First there has to be an underlying attraction, which isn't hard considering our kind is usually aesthetically pleasing to humans."

"Ego much?" I said and thankfully Alice laughed at my joke.

"Well, that's how things are. I didn't make up the rules. But, it's not just the attraction, it also goes along the lines of sexual orientation. Edward can't control humans that would never even think of being with him in a sexual way. Like asexuals …" she paused and glanced at me again, "or lesbians like you. If _I_ wanted to, I could probably control you. Of course, I wouldn't, because it's wrong, but Edward is trying to convince himself that it isn't wrong to control Bella, because she's bisexual … although, she hasn't had that awakening moment yet. That's something that's supposed to happen with you and Edward is trying to stop it."


	10. Chapter 10

Alice's words fell on me like a ton of bricks that were so heavy their weight kept me paralyzed from shock. Although, I didn't know why I was stunned at all. After my trip out with Bella had exceeded every version of a bad date my closeted lesbian had warned me with, I shouldn't have been surprised by anything anymore, including the lesbian cat being out of the bag. The fact that Alice knew I wasn't of the sexual orientation I had led everyone else to believe, should have been expected. I mean, Edward had hinted at it while we were in the restaurant, so who knew how long he'd known. Since dickwad could read minds, I could only assume he was aware right from the start. How embarrassing my fake attraction to him looked to me now knowing he had seen through it all those years ago. Alice had probably always known too. In my imagination, I saw him mocking me with his family. "Hey everyone, guess what this lesbian chick is doing to fool everyone else. It's soooooo hilarious …"

My mind gave Edward a dudebro accent … you know, for good measure. I needed desperately to gift myself some form of comfort and replacing the smooth wordplay of a hundred year old vampire with a voice I felt suited his personality better, took away some of my mortification. Not enough though to keep me from placing my head in my hands and fantasizing about not being able to experience emotions anymore. It used to be such an easy thing to do when I had been actress Jess, but that was before I'd let myself fall for someone.

"Did you hear what I said?" Alice asked, suddenly cutting through my self-loathing, probably wondering why I had let a whole minute stretch between us with no response from me.

"Edward told you," I finally said from behind my fingers. "He told you I was gay, didn't he?"

Without missing a beat, Alice began talking again like everything was normal, which I guess, for her it was. Me … not so much. "No, you being gay is a fairly recent discovery on my part. You see back when Edward stopped that truck from hurting Bella in the school parking lot, it threw everyone in my family for a loop. Even I hadn't seen it coming. He'd tried to explain it away by saying he risked exposing us, because he loved her, but that wasn't so much of an explanation as it was another problem. To help and also understand his situation better, I tried to focus on Bella's future to see if there was even a chance for them. It would be pointless to cause so much drama for everyone if it turned out she was meant to live a normal non-vampire life. Which, of course, ended up being the case, because I saw her with you."

That's when I remembered the other part of what Alice had said, not just her knowing I was a lesbian, but also that she saw Bella and me together … that Bella was bisexual. I had been so hung up on someone else knowing my secret that I hadn't even registered the weirder portion that involved a glimpse into my future. "You can see what's going to happen?" I removed my hands from my face and stared at her.

Alice raised one hand off of the steering wheel as if admitting her guilt and said, "Yep, that's me. Edward's fortune telling sister." She showed off her perfect set of white teeth with a sheepish grin.

I rolled my eyes like a knee jerk reaction and unable to stop myself, I felt my fallback defense of sarcasm come pouring out of me. "Of course, you can. I bet Edward can too. What about your husband? Can Jasper fix my car and also know where it is, because he saw himself fixing it in the future?" My voice was flat, although that quickly transitioned into a loud cackle as my sanity began to slip away. This was all too much.

Alice pursed her lips, the first unfriendly expression I'd seen her give anyone since threatening her brother inside the restaurant. "Focus, Jess. I know this is a lot to take in, but I'm counting on you to help me stop the snowball my idiot brother started rolling down the hill. We're allies remember? I don't want Edward forcing his affections on Bella any more than you do, but you're the only one that can show him that."

I stiffened under her sudden change in demeanor. She was a vampire after all. As friendly as Alice may have seemed, my driver could have easily ripped the skin away from throat with her teeth if she wanted to. "I'm sorry," I squeaked.

Alice shrugged to show she wasn't that angry with me, but when she talked again her tone was stern. "No one else in my family can see into the future, Jess. Only me. With that said, you need to know that the one I saw for you is beautiful, but also in jeopardy. The things I see aren't always so concrete. It's based on choices people make. Your future involving Bella isn't definite anymore, because of Edward's meddling. It's not that Bella is going to end up with Edward. I haven't seen that happening at all no matter what my brother tries, but there is one where Bella moves back with her mom to get away from him. If that happens the two of you won't get a chance to live the life I saw. It's up to you to fix this."

I swallowed loudly, trying to push down the lump in my throat. "What do I need to do?" I asked, a new sense of determination washing over me after she'd mentioned that I could stop Edward, although I wasn't sure how.

"You need to push past your fear of what others think and be true to yourself. I'm sorry if this doesn't feel like the right time and really only you can make the choice in the end, but Jess," Alice paused and turned her gold eyes away from the road for a fraction of a second to look at me. I thought I saw some sympathy in them. "You're going to have to come out of the closet."

"What?" My stomach jumped up into my throat and then plummeted back down with the force of a roller coaster falling. My friend didn't actually need to repeat anything she'd said. I had heard every word. Coming to terms with them though ... that was another story.

We were parked in my driveway now and after removing the keys from the ignition, Alice twisted her body in my direction. I gave her a confused look, but that was quickly replaced with one of surprise as I let out a whoosh of air, a result of Alice's sudden hug. The strength of her arms was almost unbearable, but before I could peep out a request for her to maybe let me keep my arms unbroken, Alice pulled away. I noticed her staring down at something in her hands and on closer inspection I saw the familiar shape and color of my phone.

"What are you-" I began, but Alice thrust the stolen device back in my hands before I could finish.

"There, now you can call me if you need any advice," she answered my incomplete question.

Alice then reached into her purse to retrieve her own phone and dialed a number. A few seconds later I heard the voice of _Britney Spears_ as she began singing from between my fingers. Alice indicated that I should answer the call and I complied. "Hello?" I asked, feeling like an idiot.

"Hey, Jess. It's your best vampire friend. Do you like the ringtone I picked out for myself?" Alice giggled and then ended the call.

"You're really weird," I replied, unable to hold back my own laugh as I placed my phone back inside my purse.

Alice winked at me and then using a swift move that I assumed only a vampire could make, she opened her door to step outside.

"Where are you going?" I asked, exiting the vehicle too.

"Someone has to charm your parents with some vampire mojo, since you know, Jasper is working on your car," she replied. "I want to make sure you won't be getting into trouble for coming home sans vehicle. You've got a lot on your mind right now."

I filled my lungs with air and released my breath; a sigh of relief. "Thanks," I told Alice.

"Anytime, bestie!" she said, maneuvering her arm to link it with mine as we both walked in tandem towards my front door.


	11. Chapter 11

True to her word, Alice was able to calm my parents down after they learned their precious second car hadn't come back with me. Always so tightly wound, there was a change in my mom and dad as soon as Alice came walking through the door. I could see them waiting to pounce, wanting to know exactly why I had come back in a car other than the one I'd left in.

"Jessica Lynn St-" my mom began, but before she could finish saying my full given at birth name, Alice hopped in front of me and diverted the room's attention with the vomiting of rainbows type cheeriness I had gotten a first hand experience of at the restaurant.

"Hello, Mrs. Stanley. It's so nice to finally meet you," Alice had gushed.

Stunned, my mom had taken the outstretched hand of the stranger standing in front of her and shaken it. That was followed by fifteen minutes or so where my new vampire friend explained our situation, a version of events that more or less resembled the truth. There was though the omission of Alice's crazy stalker brother and hopefully that was an exclusion I could actually make happen in real life. I'd love to omit Edward from every future event pertaining to me. Although, I involuntarily shivered at the idea of what I'd have to do to get that ball rolling.

By the time Alice said goodbye, I was sure by the way they were acting, my parents wanted to adopt her … maybe they would have felt differently if they knew all the things I had learned that afternoon. "Come back and visit anytime," my mom had said.

Alice had flashed her a large grin. "Only if you serve up some of your famous cake Jess is always talking about."

My mom beamed and I had to hold in a laugh, because I'd never said anything to Alice about any cake. The fortune teller probably had looked right into my future and saw some vision of me eating mom's cake … maybe at a wedding. Maybe my wedding. I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself and quickly shunted away any thought of a future where I was married to a certain brunette. I was only 17 for Christ's sake.

After I walked Alice to the door and whispered a quiet thanks to her, she leaned into me, so close that only my ears could pick up her words when she said, "I'll do my best to control Edward, but I can only do so much. You're going to have to do the rest."

Then she was gone and as I heard her car driving away, my dad exclaimed with far too much enthusiasm, "That Alice girl is very nice and polite, Jessica. Why haven't you ever brought her around before?"

"Because she's a vampire," I mumbled.

"Jessica, please speak clearly," my mom had said, Alice's charm apparently wearing off, because she was back to her shrill ways.

"Sorry, I'm just tired. Stressful day, you know with the car breaking down. Think I'm gonna lay down until dinner." I didn't wait for a reply. Instead I ran past them, flew up the stairs and retreated into my bedroom.

Once I was safe inside, I leaned against the door and slowly slumped to the ground, letting out a pitiful sigh as I went. I'd tried very hard to keep it together through the whole ordeal at the restaurant and then on the ride home with Alice, but now that I was alone, there was no one to be brave for anymore and I began to cry. I let all the emotion I'd kept inside come pouring out of me. I was the only one there and I could be completely myself … a girl who at that moment was scared shitless about what was just around the corner. If I followed through with what Alice said would prevent Bella from moving away then that meant facing my fears of coming out.

It was a deep seated fear too that had been taking up space inside my heart ever since I was eleven. Back then, Angela had been ogling the latest issue of some generic preteen magazine that had a cover graced with what was considered normal for a girl stumbling through puberty to find attractive. "Look at him, isn't he so cute?" my best friend had asked me after thrusting the magazine in my face.

I'd felt nothing as I stared back at the cutesy picture showcasing the young actor snuggling a white rabbit and when Angela had gasped after I told her so, I knew then that something wasn't right with me. Of course, after my parents let me have unmonitored internet access a few years later, I found others like me and realized I was perfectly normal. That didn't mean everyone else would think the same, though. There would always be people out there that looked at my feelings as wrong, but there was nothing I could ever do to change that. "And it doesn't matter what they think," I said to myself, my voice hard with determination.

I wiped away my remaining tears, shaking off the last bit of my pity party. This really wasn't about me, even if I was going to be doing something very life changing. In the end it was about helping Bella and when faced with that fact there really wasn't any case to be made in keeping my secrets anymore. I'd have to say goodbye to my closeted lesbian, because soon there wouldn't be any reason for her to be taking up space inside my brain. The character she'd tried to keep in check would be retiring from acting. Guess I wouldn't get that Academy Award after all.

Reaching for my purse, which was laying on the ground beside me, I pulled out my phone. It took me a few minutes to actually use the device, but I finally garnered up the courage to open my contacts list and select the first name at the top. It rang a few times and my heart twisted in anticipation. When there was finally another voice on the other end, the sensation in my chest transformed into a full on heart attack.

"Oh, hey … it's the girl who ditched me today." Angela's voice was sarcastic as a means of hiding her hurt at being left behind and when she asked if I had any luck finding dresses with Bella, I doubted she actually wanted to know.

"Angela, I'm gay." I blurted the confession out, knowing it was the only way I was going to get through it.

My friend was silent on the other end for a few seconds and then I could actually hear her eye roll through the phone. "Yeah, that's not going to distract me from being angry. Nice try."

"No, I'm serious," I replied. "I'm gay. I totally have a crush on Bella and I went with her without you for selfish reasons. I just needed to tell you that I'm sorry I did that and I did it, because I'm gay for her. I'm a lesbian and you're the first person I'm telling … like ever, because you're my best friend and I hope you can accept me for who I am, which is gay. So gay. Just a girl who likes girls, meaning I am gay."

"Oh my god, Jess, shut up. Stop telling me you're gay over and over." Angela was laughing and I felt myself blush. "What the hell? So, you don't even like Edward then? What about Mike? Oh, poor Mike ... but he'll get over it. Wow, this is big news isn't it?"

"Yeah," I let out a sigh of relief into the phone, completely thrown for a loop at how easy it had been to come out to my best friend. "I'm sure it will be even bigger news the more people I tell."

"Hey, this doesn't mean you're going to start listening to _Ani DiFranco_ and stop shaving your pits does it?" Angela teased.

I snorted. "You know Angela, stereotypes hurt."

"Sorry. You can listen to _Ani DiFranco_ if you want, but it might take some time for me to come to terms with your hairy armpits if that's the path life takes you down."

"Actually, I think I'm much more in the mood for _Britney Spears_ ," I joked, although it was really only for my benefit, because unlike me, Angela hadn't just spent an entire car ride being force fed Alice's favorite artist.

"Riiight," Angela replied, obviously not taking me seriously. "So, Bella, huh? Is she gay too? Who else is gonna come out that I need to know about?"

"Maybe Ben," I said, mentioning Angela's boyfriend of the last year and a half.

"Oh man, please, be my support system if that happens," Angela laughed, but when she began talking again, I noticed her voice had shifted into a much more serious tone. "Hey Jess, if you need anything, you know, like for if and when you decide to tell anyone else, I'll be there for you. You coming out doesn't change our relationship. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me first."

I felt a tear of relief fall from the corner of one of my eyes and if Angela had been in the room with me, I probably would have wrapped my arms around her in a fierce hug of appreciation. "Thanks," I told her. "That means a lot."

"Yeah, sure. I'll always have your back," Angela replied, like it wasn't a big deal. "So, I take it since I'm the first person you've told, that Bella doesn't know yet."

"No," I sighed.

"Is that something you'll be letting her know?"

My heart's pace quickened as I thought about and then visualized my answer. "Yeah, she's the next person I'm telling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jsyk Ani DiFranco is a bisexual singer that was famous for championing gay rights in the 90s and she's still making music. I've seen her in concert 5 times and love her very much. You should check her out.


	12. Chapter 12

I helped Bella into my car … well, actually, it was still my parent's car, but Alice's vampire husband had fixed it up so well that in the two weeks since he'd brought it back, I'd almost forgotten it was Mom and Dad's piece of junk back-up car. The engine ran so smoothly now that the few times I'd driven it since then had made me think I was actually inside a newer car. I secretly wondered if Jasper had gone and replaced the engine along with the other decrepit parts of the vehicle. I wouldn't know anything about things like that though. Cars interested me very little. Bella on the other hand … "Wow," I said after settling her into the passenger seat and moving around the car to slide into the driver's side. "I can't believe you dressed up. I mean I'm not saying I disapprove, but it goes against everything I thought I knew about you."

Bella smiled shyly at me from underneath thick lashes that were coated with mascara. "Well, until you asked me to be your date to this dance, I really didn't have any reason to dress up."

She was even wearing makeup, something that usually only involved light foundation and lip gloss. I knew, because I had paid attention. Silently eyeing Bella when she wasn't looking had been my pastime in the months leading up to this day. Thankfully I didn't have to hide my glances at her anymore and now I stared at the added colors to her face - pink blush, red lipstick, and a light blue eye shadow that reflected the color of her plunging neckline dress. I looked away, because I felt my face adding its own added color of red. "Well, you look nice," I said, staring at the steering wheel while trying to remember exactly how to start a car and maneuver it out of a driveway.

"Make sure to thank Alice the next time you see her. She's the reason I look this way," Bella stated and glancing over I saw that she was admiring her nails. "At least she let me paint these blue like my dress. Her heart had been set on pink." Bella made a face like she disapproved of the color.

"Alice stopped by? I didn't see her car."

"She left before you got here. Didn't want anything to look suspicious. My whole _Eliza Doolittle_ transformation was supposed to be a surprise for you, but I think Alice just wanted to play dress up with her own human doll. I said no at first and was pretty adamant about it too, but decided that, because of all she's done for me ..." Bella paused briefly and then added, "for both of us … anyway … I thought I'd humor her when she showed up at my doorstep and demanded to be my stylist."

Bella's shyness at turning her _me_ into an _us_ , was endearing and it caused a tingling sensation to grow up from my neck to my face, a sign that I was blushing again. Oh yeah, I did that now. A lot. It was a product of totally letting my hair down and being actual Jess for the first time in years. Who knew that when I let myself feel things that those emotions would always manifest themselves on my face as the color red? Apparently I was a hopeless romantic who wore her heart on her sleeve. Ugh. So annoying.

But, for now, I only let that side of me show around Bella. There was a limited amount of people who knew that my friend and I had professed a mutual attraction for each other and were kinda sorta dating. Only Angela, Alice and a MIA Edward who had gone to Alaska where some of his _relatives_ lived, knew for sure. Angela, because I had told her. Alice, because her fortune telling abilities had given her a visions when I'd come out to Bella. Then Edward, because Alice had told him of that vision and apparently he'd taken off to sulk. I hoped he'd stay gone for a long time … for all eternity if I was lucky.

I wasn't sure how many other people were going to find out either, because my status with Bella was still tentative. Both of us were entering new territory and weren't sure how to maneuver all the twists and turns of being a gay couple, but I had a hunch all that was going to change tonight at the school dance. Maybe that was more like wishful thinking on my part though. Two friends attending a dance together didn't exactly scream dating. I would let things play out with Bella as my guide. If she just wanted to play wallflowers while we watched everyone else dance then I would be perfectly fine with that. All that mattered was who I was with. We'd figure out what we were eventually.

Just then my phone rang from inside the tiny handheld purse I'd brought along to match my yellow dress. "Can you get that for me?" I asked Bella, taking my hand off the steering wheel and tossing her the bag, all while still focusing on the road in front of me.

My friend did as I asked and when Bella pulled out my phone she gasped. "It's Mike."

"What does he want?" While I did feel sorry for him that I'd broken off our date, I didn't exactly think him calling me the night of the dance was a good sign.

"I'll see," Bella replied and answered my phone. I listened to the one sided conversation and tried to get what was going on. "Yes, Jess is here. She's with me. No, I was under the impression that she told you we were going to the dance together. Well, I'm sorry you thought that was a joke and drove all the way out to her house. No, Jess is driving right now. Just take my word for it. She's not going to have time for you tonight or any other night for the foreseeable future. Why? Because she'll be with me, asshat!"

I couldn't stop myself from laughing as Bella abruptly ended the call with Mike. Apparently my colorful personality had begun to seep a little into her. The anger I saw on my date's face melted away after I'd burst out laughing and she joined me with her own embarrassed giggle. "Maybe I overreacted just a little."

"No, that was fine. I enjoyed listening to you get territorial. Are we really going to be together every night? Are you sure you can keep that promise?" I could feel that my face was red again, but that was okay, because so was Bella's. We were quite the pair.

"Sorry, obviously I was just reacting to Mike being so pushy. You're free to spend your evenings with whoever you want. I-I would hope you'd put aside some nights for me. I mean, that came out wrong. We can hang out during the day too and do day things. Not just night things." Bella's fumbling words of awkwardness stopped suddenly when I reached out to still her hand that was twisting a stray lock of hair. I had to stop her nervous destruction of the updo Alice had meticulously crafted before it was too late. I wrapped my hand in hers for a few seconds, before releasing it again to take hold of the steering wheel.

"Days and nights are both good," I stated and from the corner of my eye I saw Bella grin.

When we reached the school, I got out and walked around the car to open Bella's side. "Okay next time I get to play the helpful date part," she teased as I wrapped my arm around her torso.

"I guess we'll just go with whoever's driving," I replied, but then hesitated.

"What's up?" Bella asked, sensing my apprehension.

"Is it … is it okay if I have my arm around you like this?" Butterflies were swirling in my stomach and I tried to ignore them.

"Of course," Bella smiled and with that one look she made all those butterflies fly away. "As long as I can do it too." Her arm snaked around my back, an act that caused my heart to flip.

"Shall we?" I said, sounding like we were in some dumb _Jane Austen_ adaptation and quickly I corrected myself. "I mean … let's go."

Bella nodded and as we walked towards the gym entrance, I thought back to the one moment that had made what we were doing now possible.

* * *

_She lives in the shadow of a lonely girl. Voice so quiet you don't hear a word. Always talking, but she can't be heard. You can see there if you catch her eye. I know she's brave, but it's trapped inside. Scared to talk but she don't know why. - Little Mix_

* * *

After my confession to Angela on the phone, I didn't think it was possible for me to make any more big reveals that night. I just didn't have it in me. When I eventually did tell Bella I knew it would have to be in person and not rushed through either like I had done with Angela. That would require a lot more courage and to give myself time to build that up, I called Bella and made plans to meet up with her in the morning for breakfast. This meant an evening and night's sleep would be behind me before I would have to do the whole coming out thing again. I hoped it would be enough time to get over my anxiety.

Not wanting to take any chances in angering my parents, I didn't ask to use their car even though Jasper had brought it back not long after dinner. They would have thanked him, but a yellow Porsche pulled into our driveway seconds after Jasper and the vampire then hopped into that vehicle. It sped away leaving my mom staring out the window mournfully. "I was going to give Alice my cake recipe."

"Mom is it okay if I hang out with Bella again tomorrow? She'll be driving, so you don't have to worry about your car breaking down again," I asked, ignoring the sad look on her face at having missed Alice.

"Sure and if you happen to run into Alice give her this." She handed me a recipe card for chocolate cake.

_Yep, I'll give her this recipe for something she can't possibly eat, because she drinks blood. No problem._

I took the card despite knowing Alice wouldn't have any need for it and nodded at my mom's request, then running upstairs, I locked myself in my room. Glancing over at my bed, I saw my laptop sitting on my headboard. I'd left it there after blogging about B the night before. For a few seconds I entertained the thought of writing out my situation and the fears pulsating inside my body, but decided against putting anything on the internet just yet. A part of me felt it would jinx things, because despite knowing Alice had seen a vision of future me with Bella, I still worried that for some reason she would reject me. But I did take comfort in the memory of Edward at the restaurant and how he'd known about my sexuality, even taunted me with it, and still kept quiet on the subject. I now knew why he'd done that. It all went back to his worry that letting my crush be known would only push Bella into my arms sooner.

I decided my best bet was to just go to bed. I knew it was only eight in the evening, but after my long ass day, it could have been well after midnight for how I felt. I quickly tore my clothes off and once settling underneath the covers of my bed, I placed the earbuds connected to my iPod in. The sounds of _Enya_ filled my ears and the last thought I remembered having before sleep took over was of Bella's smile.

In the morning it was difficult for me to reconcile the idea that all the events of the day before hadn't just been a crazy dream brought on by my repressed lesbian. She was the sibling of my closeted lesbian. One was the bossy sister always telling me what to do and the other was the depressed one that pushed me to write sad poetry about my life.

When my phone rang and Bella was on the other end, I accepted that my memories of vampires were actually real. "Just wanted to make sure you were up," she said. Yes, of course I was up. I had been up for hours staring out into the foggy morning from my window, trying to push down the urge I had to vomit. "I'll be there in 20," she stated.

"Okay," I replied.

"Don't sound too excited." I couldn't tell if she was actually hurt or just teasing.

"Oh, believe me, I'm very excited to spend time with you just so long as it doesn't involve any more members of the Forks Vampire Gang." I'd found some sarcasm buried deep underneath my worry and used it to push past the apprehension in my tone.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Bella agreed.

When we said our goodbyes, I took a quick shower and dressed in a hurry. I made sure to mentally pat myself on the back when I passed the toilet and didn't throw up all the food I'd eaten for dinner hours before. In fact, by the time I heaved myself into the passenger side of Bella's truck after she pulled into my driveway, there wasn't a trace amount of nervousness stirring in my stomach. All the filled me now was a determination in my gut. I had finally accepted my fate and hoped that Bella would join me down the path I'd chosen for myself.


	13. Chapter 13

_(Bella)_

Until I moved to Forks, my life was pretty much just me trying to go through the motions of making sure everyone else was happy.

_Take care of Mom, because she's too scatterbrained to remember things like- oh, you actually need to go to work tomorrow, so maybe you shouldn't go out to the club tonight to see that band._

_Go live with Dad, because Mom doesn't need you anymore and it would probably be a nice gesture to get to know the guy who fathered you even if it means moving to a tiny town where he'd be the only one you knew._

And so on and so forth.

It wasn't like I totally ignored things important to me, but more often than not they took a backseat to the needs of others. It was the curse of being entirely too empathetic and shy at the same time. When you cared too much about others and also what they thought of you, it left very little room for the person inside to be seen. I'd slowly begun to grow out of my shyness, but it was a work in progress. Unfortunately, that progress took a big stumble when I moved to Forks and had to start all over again. Knowing literally no one, but my dad in the small town he lived had squashed all my past efforts at becoming an extrovert.

But then something happened that was completely new and ended up exacerbating all the parts of my personality that I was trying run from. For the first time in my short life, a guy showed interest in me. Dating and all the aspects that went along with it hadn't even been on my radar before I moved to Forks. I had been too focused on everyone else to notice that part of being a teen. If someone paid attention to me while I lived in Phoenix, it never registered with me. This time though, I literally had no choice, but to notice the attention Edward Cullen forced on me.

At first it was just rude staring, but that quickly morphed into an uncontrollable urge on his part to treat me like I was a delicate flower. He was constantly trying to protect me. I found him extremely annoying, but at the same time couldn't fight the attraction I felt for him whenever he was near. It was a ying-yang of emotions. There was no in-between. I loathed him, but also wanted him. Many times I tried to find my voice to tell him to leave me alone, but that shyness and inability to speak my mind would always creep in, keeping me from whatever resolve I had made the night before when he wasn't around.

Then he saved my life and things got so much worse. I'd seen him do an act that wasn't humanly possible and it made me suspect that maybe this guy wasn't actually a guy, but something far more dangerous. Not to mention that once Edward had seen how close I'd come to death, he became even more possessive. I felt helpless, like I was drowning underneath all his unwanted attention, but then _she_ stepped in to offer me a hand and help pull me above water.

I was surprised when she had wanted to take me to the nurse's office that day. Before, I'd only known Jessica Stanley to send me indifferent looks whenever I caught her eye and the crush she had on Edward was a well-known fact by everyone. Why would she help me when the guy she wanted spent so much time pushing his affections on me? I was her competition.

Still in the span of a few short days Jess had basically become the closest thing I had to a friend and had also been the only person I knew … well, to be more accurate - human, who had the ability to put Edward in his place. I'd forever be grateful to her for that.

But after the debacle Edward put us through at the restaurant, I thought maybe Jess would never want to speak to me again. I hugged her goodbye outside my house, wondering if come Monday she would act as if I didn't exist when I saw her at school. Jess may have been brave in the face of Edward, but once she got away from me and all the crazy problems I attracted, it seemed reasonable that she'd want to go back to a normal life. I felt depressed just thinking about it, but when she called not long after Alice had dropped me off, it wasn't to write me off. Instead she wanted to get together again and my heart instantly leapt at her request. I was so stupidly giddy that regardless of the stressful day I'd had, my happiness at seeing her again so soon kept me up late tossing and turning.

When I picked her up the next day my heart was still racing, which seems odd to me, but I tried to ignore it. "Are your parents going to get mad that you're missing church?" I asked her, remembering how she'd told me they were sticklers for attending every Sunday.

"Nah, you and I are going out for breakfast. I'll be back before it starts," Jess replied, closing the door to my truck once she'd found a seat for herself inside. "Wow, so I get to ride in Bella's famous rust bucket."

"Hey, be nice," I teasingly warned. "Besides, at least _I_ have my own vehicle."

Jess held up her hands. "You have me there."

"So where to?" I asked when she didn't offer up anything else.

"Well, there's only one diner in Forks. I'd say that's a good place to go."

I knew the diner she was talking about. Charlie, my dad, liked to eat there several times a week. He wasn't so great at cooking or that's what I had discovered once I'd moved in with him and he attempted to serve me meals. After choking down some spaghetti with noodles barely cooked and clumped together, I'd suggested that on the days we didn't eat at the diner, I would take over cooking duties.

Driving towards the center of town, I tried to navigate through the fog and also the worry in my heart. Jess was being so quiet and it caused a fear to grow inside me that she'd actually wanted to get together to let me down easy, tell me my life was too complicated for her to be a part of. It sounded stupid, but I was so worried I was going to lose her that the rational side of me leapt out the window. Trying to counteract this supposed future abandonment, I began babbling an apology. "I'm sorry about yesterday. It was such a mess. I wish I could have stood up to him in the restaurant. He was so rude to you and I should have done something-"

I was saying anything I could think of to try and stop the ending of our friendship I saw happening as soon as we ordered our breakfast, but Jess stopped me. She reached out and placed her hand over mine on the steering wheel. I twisted my head briefly to glance at her.

"Please, don't talk about him. I care so little about that dickhead. I don't even want to hear that anyone else is named Edward. I swear to god if someone named Edward talks to me I will slap them for having such a dumb name," Jess said, and I had to glance back at her to see if she was serious or not. There was a smile playing on her lips and I chuckled.

"Okay, no Edward. I promise," I sent her a look of apology before turning back to stare at the road. My foot hit the break and then I turned a corner going from gravel to paved.

Then Jess continued, but from the corner of my eye, I saw her smile fade as she leaned back in her seat. "And I think it's even worse that you're apologizing for him, like you did something wrong yesterday. I don't blame you for anything. You're the victim here. Not me and certainly not him."

I shrugged. "I know, but there's always a part of me that has to take the blame. I don't want you to be upset with me. I care a lot about you." I hadn't meant on saying the last part. It just sort of slipped from my mouth and after the words were out, I felt myself blushing.

I wondered if Jess would laugh at how corny I sounded, but thankfully she didn't. "I care about you too," she repeated my sentiment and her tone didn't sound teasing at all. In fact, when I pulled into the parking lot of the diner, I turned to see that my friend was also blushing. This in turn only made my face grow even redder and I quickly exited my truck to escape the embarrassment surrounding us both.

By the time we finally found a booth inside the tiny diner, I'd managed to get my emotions under control, but that didn't last long. After I ordered myself some tea and Jess requested a coffee, things took a turn for the serious again. When I asked the simple, "So, why'd you want to get together this morning?" I expected a simple answer, but Jess grew quiet and the worry from before began to spread from my heart until it took over every part of me. "What's wrong," I tried to prompt her into talking.

She leaned in, gripping the sides of her coffee mug in a move that looked anxious and I found myself shifting my body, so that our faces were close, so close that I could smell her perfume. "Yesterday a lot of walls came down for us," she whispered, glancing down at her cup and bringing it to her lips to take a sip. "I mean, _hello_ , there are vampires in Forks and one of them has been controlling you into liking them."

"Wha-" I began, but Jess spoke over me, before I could finish.

"Alice told me. Apparently vampires can manipulate people into finding them attractive and also control their actions, but Edward can't control me and …" Jess paused and looked uncomfortable. I tried to encourage her to continue by placing my hands around her fingers gripping the coffee cup. Only this action caused Jess to jump slightly in shock and she ended up knocking the drink over. Dark liquid spread across the table and she exclaimed, "Oh shit!" while pulling some napkins from the dispenser. Quickly my friend tossed them down on the mess and managed to keep the coffee from spilling over the sides onto our clothes.

"Err, sorry about that," I quietly said, embarrassed that my attempt to put her at ease had done the opposite.

"Completely my fault. Why am I drinking coffee anyways? It always makes me so jumpy," Jess said and laughed off my apology. "Where was I?"

"Vampires can't control you?" I offered.

"No, just Edward," she corrected. "He can't and probably not any other vampires of his gender."

"What does that mean? Male vampires can't control you?" I asked.

Jess shook her head. "Nope. Sorry, vamps with dicks. When it comes to me, you're out of luck."

I chuckled and then asked, "But, why?"

Her face was unreadable as she paused and I tried to give Jess the best look of encouragement that I could muster, knowing that if I tried to touch her again she might bolt.

"It doesn't work for someone like me. I mean, chick vampires could probably control my mind if they really wanted to, because well … I'm gay," she breathed the last two words, hardly making them audible, but I heard enough to understand.

"You're gay? Oh." I knew I sounded like an idiot, but her reveal had left me tongue tied. I had thought many things could happen at our breakfast and this had _not_ been on my list of possibilities. "Does anyone else know? Because even though I know different, everyone else thinks you like Edward," I finally said, pushing past my shock.

Jess grimaced. "For a long time I didn't want anyone else to know the truth, so I created a lie that I liked him. I thought it was a safe lie. No one was good enough for him, so I would never have to worry about getting asked out. God, I don't even want to imagine a scenario where that might have happened. " I saw her shudder, before continuing. "But then you moved here and things got … complicated."

"Me?" I said in a faint voice.

Her blue eyes grew wider as she looked into mine and for some reason my heart sped up. I couldn't stop the reflexive action of one of my hands reaching out to cover it. "Bella ... I've liked you since you moved here. I know this is aaaaaaaa lot to take in and I don't expect you to say anything in response right now or maybe not at all, but I had to tell you. After yesterday and all that happened … I just, I just can't leave it unsaid anymore." When she finished, Jess leaned back in her seat and sighed heavily.

"Were you guys ready to order?"

The sudden sound of another voice at our table caused my head to snap in the direction of the waitress to my left. "No!" I said maybe just a bit too forcefully and taking offense to my rudeness, she huffed while placing the pencil she had out ready to take our order, back behind her ear.

"Let me know when you _are_ ready," the middle aged woman replied grumpily and headed in the direction of a door with the words _employees only_ written across it.

"You like me … like, like me like me?" I said, once our waitress was completely out of earshot. I wasn't being as eloquent as I would have liked, but the surprise I had been dealt left me sounding like a tween talking to her first crush.

Jess frowned slightly. "I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."

I shook my head, not sure about my own emotions, but certainly not wanting Jess to apologize for hers, especially when they were perfectly normal. "Don't be sorry," I said, feeling like the shoe was on the other foot now. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's just … I'm not sure how to respond. I've never had someone like me before that I might actually like back."

Jess instantly sat upright in the booth, all slouchy uncomfortableness gone. "What?" she asked, the hope in her voice saturating the air between us.

"I don't know. It's not anything I ever really thought about before. I mean dating in general was never a top priority until it was forced on me with Edward," I said.

"You mean you've never been on a date before?" Jess was skeptical, but I shook my head.

"I know, I know. I'm 17. I must look so lame, but it's just not that important to me, the whole dating thing, but I don't know … this time ..." I trailed off, trying to collect myself, but still not able to look Jess in the eye when I said, "I really like you too and … god, this is so hard to say out loud," I replied.

"Well, I wouldn't know anything about _that_ ," Jess snickered.

That teasing part of her, the one that was able to make jokes in the face of uncomfortable situations, always made my heart do something funny inside my chest and it gave me the courage to look up at her again. "So, what now?"

Jess smiled at me. "Well, I've actually never been on a date with anyone before either where I was actually interested in the person. So, I'm kind of new to the whole dating thing too. Why don't we start with today? Can this be our first date? I mean it's such a classy place we've come to anyway."

I laughed at her sarcasm. "Yeah, and the whole spilled coffee thing just added to the ambiance. You sure know how to show a girl a good time."

Just then our waitress reappeared and this time I made a concerted effort to be polite. Despite a lack of appetite due to the whirlwind of emotions moving around inside me, I ordered. I wanted to make sure that if this went down as our first date then I had at least made it look that way. "So, who pays?" I asked lightheartedly when our waitress had walked away.

"Whoever brought money," Jess replied without missing a beat and I smiled, loving the way she could always pull that facial expression from me.

But then my mind took a twist for the dark when I thought about Edward. I had told her I wouldn't mention him, but I couldn't stop myself from asking, "What do we do about Edward?"

Jess frowned. "I'm not sure, but at least you won't have to be alone in dealing with him anymore. I'll kick his ass."

"I like the sound of that … I mean, you being with me, not anything about _him_. Well, you kicking his ass is okay. I like the sound of that too." I blushed at my fumbling with words. This was all new to me. It was like there was an added layer of awkwardness between us now that our feelings were out in the open. My head was spinning.

"I like the sound of me being with you too," Jess smiled. "It's definitely not anything I ever expected to happen, but I'm not complaining at all."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Sometimes you don't realize you want something until that thing is right in front of you."

* * *

Felling claustrophobic, I glanced nervously around at the other students. Some were dancing half-heartedly, some in earnest and others were standing still while talking. This really wasn't my scene. I didn't dance. I didn't like large groups of people and I definitely didn't like the ska music the DJ kept playing. "Ugh, this music is awful," I commented to Jess.

My date was standing beside me and grasping my hands she did a few wide sweeping movements swaying them back and forth. "What? You don't feel like swing dancing?" she joked.

"Not unless we're extras in a teen movie from 1995," I replied cynically.

Jess snorted. "He's the town's only DJ and apparently his heyday was back in the 90s. Maybe he lost his virginity while listening to this kind of music."

I made a face of disgust at the thought of the slightly chubby, slightly sweaty man in the fedora who was spinning records, getting busy with anyone and Jess looked at me sympathetically. "Hey, we don't have to stay here if you don't want. There's a gazebo outside and I don't think from there we'll be able to hear any music containing a horn section."

I smiled and nodded, the idea of getting away from all these bodies giving me some relief. As we maneuvered through the crowd on our way towards the doors, I passed by a few faces I recognized, one being Angela. She smiled at me and I returned the gesture. Then I thought I saw Alice, but the person with the short pixie haircut was dancing so erratically that I couldn't be sure. But then it didn't matter, because we were outside.

The chill of an early Spring evening caused me to shiver. The dress Alice had leant me was completely inappropriate for the season, but I guess that didn't matter to her, because if I remembered correctly it was all about the appearance. "Oh my god Bella, that dress makes you look so gorgeous!" Alice had said, which was followed by her girlish squeal and a roll of the eyes from me.

"Are you cold?" Jess asked, noticing my discomfort.

"A little, but I'd rather be out here than in there. I'm just not that comfortable in large crowds," I replied.

Jess was quite for a bit as we walked hand in hand, but then turned to look at me and asked, "Then why did you say yes when I asked you to go to the dance?"

I shrugged. "It seemed like the right thing to do. When you date someone you go to dances together."

Jess sighed. "Bella, there isn't a handbook of rules you have to follow when you're in a relationship. You just go with it. See how it feels. I wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't want to do in the first place. Don't compromise your happiness for me."

I sent her a slight smile in response. That was Jess. The only person I knew who constantly reminded me that I had to think about myself and not always the needs of others. Sometimes I felt like she was my life-coach in how to not let others walk all over you. What she didn't understand though was that whenever it pertained to her, I never once felt like I was making a sacrifice.

Jess was now leading me up the steps of the gazebo and my eyes took in the sight of all the tiny white lights wrapped around the structure like it was a Christmas tree. I found myself gasping at how pretty the whole thing looked.

"I'm not compromising anything," I said, once I found my voice again. "If showing up as your date makes you happy then I'm happy." Suddenly a need took over me. I wanted to show Jess exactly how little I minded coming to the dance with her. "So, we're at a school dance, why don't we dance?"

"Huh?" Jess hadn't heard me, which was my fault. Still battling that persistent shyness, my voice had come out as a squeak.

"I want to dance with you, Jess. I'm not very good, terrible in fact, but I'd really like it if we danced right now." I made sure to enunciate my words, so there wasn't any misunderstanding between us.

"Uh, okay." The smile on her face made me melt and when her arms wrapped around my torso, I placed mine on her shoulders.

We stayed this way for a long while. Twilight slowly turned into darkness and before long only the lights strewn around the gazebo kept it so we were able to see each other. I heard other people milling around and was aware that by dancing with Jess I was making a sort of statement. Two straight girls didn't just hold each other like we were for such a long time without any romantic feelings being involved and they certainly didn't kiss like we did either.

The moment it happened was fast. Neither of us experienced, but both of us anxious to feel the other's lips. We had pulled away from our dancing when the sound of a student stumbling in the dark had caused us to look in his direction.

"Ssssorry about that," he said to us, his words coming out in a drunken slur. "Don't mind me."

We both giggled at the idiot, but when our faces turned back to each other, I could feel a change in the air, like something physical was pulling me into Jess. She felt it too. I was sure, and then it happened. Our lips met and as we moved our mouths in a tender rhythm, I sighed into our kiss. Sadly it was over much too soon and we both stood awkwardly in front of each other, blushing violently.

"Errr, come with me," Jess finally said, gesturing with her head at the drunk boy who was now staring at us with his elbows propped up on the gazebo railing and his head resting in his hands. We had been putting on a show for him.

"Don't mind meeee," he repeated his sentence from before, but this time it was tinged with a sick sort of glee and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Jerk," I heard Jess mutter as she led me away.

I didn't ask where we were going and then once we were halfway across the parking lot, I didn't have to, because I knew. Jess helped me into her car and then followed in after me. She closed the door and without a word spoken between us, we continued were we left off.

"Wait," Jess said, suddenly pulling away after a few minutes.

"What is it?"

She pulled out her purse and reached in to take out a cassette tape. I sent her a confused look, but laughed when she pushed it in and _Britney Spears_ began playing. "You know, mood music," Jess winked.

"Yes, Britney is always good for that," I replied, remembering how Alice had played it for us the first time I thought I might have feelings for Jess.

Then we began kissing again, Britney's lustful moaning from the speakers urging us on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I decide to write for this pairing again I will start another fic containing oneshots for them. I'm sure there is more to be told, but I'd rather those stories be separate from this one. I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading and leaving comments.


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